Park Yul:
I opened my mouth and stared directly into Sun Yihan’s eyes. “Let’s go together.”
His eyes seemed to sparkle brightly for a moment. The pouring sunlight behind us was too bright; I wanted to shield my eyes.
When I opened my eyes, which had automatically closed, the view before me was still bright. Sun Yihan still shone, all by himself. And his smile… whether it was relief or acceptance… it was a fantastic smile.
I reached my hand out to him without realizing my own actions. Somehow, I thought that Sun Yihan was too far away. He seemed unreachable, even though that was impossible.
Swish–
His soft hair wrapped around my hand; I lightly ruffled those black locks. Sun Yihan raised his head and we made eye contact.
I stared blankly at my reflection in his clear, mirror-like eyes. Then, suddenly, I realized that my expression so far might have been a bit stiff.
I tried to smile deeper than usual. Then, I thought, ‘Yihan-ah. Your fate…what is it?’
When he said he couldn’t die yet, he looked serious. His words didn’t belie a light, nonchalant heart. This wasn’t an unfounded belief.
Sun Yihan was convinced that this was true. He seemed to firmly believe that the time for his death had yet to come.
But, how could he be so sure? Was it because he felt alright now? Or, could he possibly know when his life would end…
I didn’t dare to voice my thoughts despite my plunging heart. Sun Yihan looked guilelessly up at me, who swallowed my thoughts inside. His smile remained dazzling.
I wanted to ask him if he had seen his destiny.
‘What did you see? How far did you see?’
I pressed down the questions that threatened to emerge from my throat–I knew they would go unanswered.
Vice versa, if Sun Yihan were to ask me what I saw in my future, I wouldn’t be able to answer. Of course, the young man would see no need to ask.
‘If you also saw your own fate…’ Would he have any reason to think like that? Ridiculous. If everything is already set, then what meaning is there to my life?
After collapsing for a long while, did he end up resigning himself and accepting his fate?
‘Perhaps, the strange sensation I occasionally felt from Sun Yihan was…’
When I was chosen to be a Warrior by the temple, the voice of God that projected into my head felt somewhat eerie and chilling. Oftentimes, I would feel a similar vibe from Sun Yihan.
Every time that happened, my expression automatically froze. I felt as if the dark room from that day had suddenly appeared before my eyes again. The fear I felt the moment I realized the fate dictating my life path swept through my body.
‘However, there’s no clear evidence that Sun Yihan has seen his destiny.’
Humans look at others in light of their past; therefore, I may have projected my experiences onto Sun Yihan. I may have been swept away by the upright and pious atmosphere Sun Yihan exuded after his time spent in the temple, and my heart may have been shaken by his frail appearance.
‘…Or maybe I just wanted someone to share in my experiences–to have lived through something similar.’
Whether Sun Yihan knew his destiny or not…that didn’t matter.
‘Considering how you won’t even show any signs of suffering–even if it’s hard to breathe–I suppose you’re really doing your best to savor every moment of your life.’
So, if you really did see your own destiny…
‘I’ll watch over you from the side, Yihan-ah.’
Every choice you make; every step you take.
For the first time, I became curious about someone else’s life path. It was the first time I’ve seen someone step forward so firmly and persistently despite their heavy destiny.
‘When I was chosen as a Warrior, I was around his age.’
Sun Yihan looked as fragile as I had been back then.
I knew that I had to rely on myself to stand up and move forward, but I wanted to be next to Sun Yihan. That wasn’t all—I wanted to stay. At the very least, I didn’t want him to deal with this alone. Even if he was trapped in the dark, if he heard the sound of footsteps next to him, he’ll find the strength to stand up again.
…Stay until the very last day I’m allowed to do so…
My thoughts were cut off at that moment. Fortunately, Sun Yihan did not seem to notice the brief abnormality in my demeanor. I took a deep breath.
Immediately in front of me, Sun Yihan was still standing upright; I seared that image–captured it–into my eyes. As if the wind were blowing, the white skirt of his robes seemed to be fluttering lightly–even though all the windows were closed.
The hot sunlight fell through the window and shone as it wrapped around his body. Everything in sight was so bright it made my pupils ache. However, I couldn’t bear to tear my eyes away.
◇~◇~◇~◇~◇~◇
After we all arrived at the forest, everyone left to check the surroundings, and I was left alone with Sun Yihan, who was sitting before the bonfire.
“Yihan-ah, are you sleepy?”
Sun Yihan, hearing my voice, raised his head. He was dozing off, holding a glass of hot cocoa in his hands. His eyes, looking up at me, were almost completely overcome by drowsiness.
After a while of absentminded silence–as if he were trying to understand the question–Sun Yihan slowly opened his mouth. His voice was lethargic as well. “…I think I’m a little sleepy.”
I knew well, now, that Sun Yihan’s ‘a little’ had to be interpreted as ‘quite a lot.’ Before the glass could fully tilt over, I gently pulled it out of his hands.
When asked if he would go to sleep, Sun Yihan nodded obediently.
‘If the day got a little later, I would have put him to sleep right here.’ It was fortunate that it wasn’t so late in the day, though. I walked towards the tent with Sun Yihan in tow.
“Yul-ie Hyung, this is more…” After entering the tent, Sun Yihan opened his eyes wide and spoke in an almost admiring tone. His voice was clear, as if the walk had sobered him a little.
Should I have carried him here instead? I thought he would fall asleep right away, but perhaps the walk hindered that goal. I shook my head lightly to scatter those thoughts.
Still, Sun Yihan would probably fall asleep quickly once he lay down on the bed. He’s probably the type to sleep a lot. After all, the younger man always fell asleep the earliest and woke up the latest.
Raen excluded, that is. It was far more likely to find him awake or unable to sleep than to find him sleeping.
‘Is Sun Yihan alright?’
I was worried about the one who couldn’t fall asleep easily, but I was also worried about the one who was asleep too often. Sun Yihan’s body, covered by his fluttering robes, came into view.
I asked him if he wanted me to stay with him until he fell asleep, but the startled Sun Yihan emphatically shook his head. He said that was completely unnecessary.
I thought he didn’t like being alone in the dark. As I expected, that fear seems to be subconscious–perhaps he wasn’t aware of his aversion. If so, there was no need to particularly point it out. I replied that I understood and walked outside, “Alright. Rest well.”
Still lost in thought, Sun Yihan nodded slowly. I looked at his hand, waving me goodbye.
What a relief–it seems like he’ll fall asleep soon. I stepped out of the tent with a small smile etched onto my face. Cold air rushed at me; a pitch-dark sky spread out before my eyes.
The bonfire, neither far nor near, was shining beneath that void-like expanse. White smoke winded up towards the sky.
The light itself was quite small, but it was bright. The place was dark, but that made the contrast even more stark.
I trudged forth and sat on the neatly trimmed log and stared into the burning bonfire for a long while. The smell of burning wood permeated the cold air. I didn’t hate this sort of scent, though.
I shook my hand and cleaned up the sticks that were used to roast the marshmallows and the cocoa glass that Sun Yihan drank from. The sweet after-scent still haunted my nose. Sun Yihan’s expression–surprised by the taste of the large marshmallow–came to mind. The marshmallow had made one of his cheeks puffy.
Trying to be considerate of the sleeping Sun Yihan, I smiled and laughed silently. Then, at that moment, I smelled the faint scent of blood from somewhere. My whole body became tense; my instincts, which had been honed ever since I became a Warrior, directed me towards the origin of the scent.
‘A crack? No–that’s not it. This direction is…’
I walked towards the tent. And, when I carefully drew by the flap that covered the entrance–
“Yihan-ah.” I spoke automatically. The air was filled with the fishy scent of blood. I could see Sun Yihan and his red-stained sleeves.
His head was slightly raised; his gaze was fixed on something midair. I had no idea what he was looking at, but his eyes looked a bit blank.
Sun Yihan, after hearing my voice, turned his head slowly. The vacantness in his blue eyes disappeared, and his focus returned.
I could now clearly see his sleeve, which he used to block his mouth. It was stained with no small amount of blood.
Standing still and blinking, Sun Yihan raised his other hand to his mouth as well. He was calm, as if he didn’t find this situation surprising or alarming.
I felt like I had audibly heard my heart drop with a thud. Or, perhaps, that was the sound of my heart beating.
I managed to come to my senses and urgently approached Sun Yihan. The younger man stared at me. “…Yul-ie Hyung.”
“Lower your head.” I couldn’t believe he was trying to raise his head while simultaneously coughing up blood. I recalled that Sun Yihan stated he occasionally threw up blood a few times before, but he couldn’t even handle basic care properly…
‘Is he just not paying attention? Does he just not care?’
Repeatedly, he had said, ‘Please don’t worry about me because I’m fine.’ Is that what he truly thinks? Does he think he’s fine right now?
That was impossible–how could he vomit blood and still think that he was in a healthy condition?
I pressed Sun Yihan’s thin neck to gently lower his head; his skin was cold to the touch. I slowly stroked his body, which lacked any hint of warmth.
When I asked once more if he was ill, Sun Yihan trembled slightly. He slowly tried to raise his head at various intervals with a resolute expression. “I’ll continue to be with you all.”
His voice did not waver at all.
‘I’ll continue to be with you all…’ Is he talking about this moment? Or is he looking farther into the distant future? It was difficult to comprehend what he truly meant.
In part, it sounded as if Sun Yihan was talking to himself, steeling his own determination. As if this was something he desperately desired.
“Yihan-ah, you…” The words tumbled out of my lips unwittingly, and I closed my mouth before I could continue.
‘Why do you say that?’ I swallowed the question that threatened to surge out of my mouth. At the very least, I didn’t intend to ask him anything so heavy right now.
I naturally changed the topic and carefully examined Sun Yihan’s condition. The blood flow had stopped, but his skin still looked pale.
Laying down, Sun Yihan’s eyelids fluttered shut; he then fell deep asleep, almost as if he had fainted.
His even breaths quietly disrupted the ensuing silence. I stood in front of him for a long while, unable to move away.
