Chapter 240 - Remember Who You Are

Feng Xuan did not know how long she had stayed on the floor. For minutes, all she could hear was her own cries. There were other words scribbled at the bottom of the letter but she could not bring herself to read more of it.

Her heart felt like it had been thrown on a bed of nails. It ached all over and her chest felt like it would no longer rise normally.

Her father found her there later, bringing a small glass of water. "I figured something must've happened to you."

She wiped her cheeks and nose with the sleeve of her shirt before she took the glass.

"Found something of yours?"

Feng Xuan nodded, the water quenched her thirst but her throat still felt dry. Her voice came out hoarse when she spoke. "I didn't think she would write me a letter."

Feng Lizhao's lips quirked upwards. "Your mother was not a fan of writing letters. Even the words in her invitations were all from her secretary or your auntie."

"How did she take it? Learning about the mafia? Did you immediately tell her?"

"She hated it." Her father moved and it took a few moments before he settled himself next to her. They both rested against the wall. "I told her about it right before I asked her to marry me."

**

It was raining that night and Feng Lizhao was already prepared to ask Yang Baozai's hand for marriage. He already had the huge diamond ring in his coat pocket. Like Feng Xuan's engagement ring, her mother's was also made from a stolen diamond that was auctioned in The Underground. The huge stone was cut up into smaller pieces and was sold.

He took her to the famous rooftop restaurant in the city. He rented the whole place and had it mildly decorated to be intimate. There were candles all around them and a string band was playing soft music live. 

Yang Baozai knew what was going to happen that day. She was wearing a light pink sleeveless dress that fell to her ankles and shaped her body beautifully. Her jewelries were thin and light, nothing too sparkly—she was already prepared to have a huge ring on her finger.

Everything was going well. They were both all smiles as they ate their dinner. And then Feng Lizhao knew he just had to tell her.

"There is something you need to know."

Yang Baozai raised her lovely face at him. "What is it?"

He started from the start, at the beginning of his involvement with the mafia. With every minute that passed, Yang Baozai's face fell even more until all the brightness that was once there was taken.

In all fairness, she had stayed until he finished his story. She stayed long enough to hear his case--to let him convince her still on why she should still marry him.

"Thank you for the dinner," was all she said. She took her bag and left.

Feng Lizhao figured it must've been the end for them. He vowed to himself that he would never get into another relationship. He was already too old for it anyway.

But then a few days later, when he came home, Yang Baozai was at his house.

"I made up my mind. I am going to marry you," was what she said. "I love you too much to leave you just because of that."

Yang Baozai had tears in her eyes. Feng Lizhao knew she was in pain to agree to it. But he guessed her love for him prevailed. They got married shorty afterwards.

Yang Baozai pretended that the mafia did not exist—that her husband was a normal businessman only interested with his work and properties and she loved the illusion that she had built. But she was unsuccessful in pulling her daughter into that world.

**

Now, Feng Lizhao turned to his daughter. "She kept a minimum involvement with the mafia—not much at all, only that she was married to a member. We never spoke about it. It was like I was living a double life. It was fun."

Feng Xuan's tears already subsided. "But she was mad, right?"

"Certainly. She was furious when she found out that you're getting more interested with shooting guns than learning how to paint or memorizing the family recipes."

Feng Xuan smiled. "I think she wanted a mini-me and she didn't get it. Are you sure you took the right child home from the hospital?"

Feng Lizhao laughed. "She actually said something like that before. Along the lines of 'if she didn't look so much like me, I'd think she's not my daughter'."

Feng Xuan took no offense with the remark. It was true. They were polar opposites. Then there was a burning question:

"Why did you really bring me?"

Her father patted her knee twice. "You had been terribly busy since you have come home from your training with Master. I think with all the things that are going on, you're kind of losing yourself."

"What?" Feng Xuan asked with a defensive smile.

"Is it still you who are making the decisions? Or is it already the person who you become because a threat arrived? When you feel like your life's straying away from your original goals, you look back to square one. If you're already too far, go back to it."

"I think I'm still the same person," she said. "Aren't I? I mean, sure I am getting more interested with being in business…"

"What about your original drives? What about everything that has happened in the past? Are you just going to let it pass?"

Then it finally clicked inside her, what her father was telling her about. It was about her mom. It was about getting revenge. "But The Zookeeper—"

"If you're going to be a mafia lord, you're going to have to bring back some of the toughness you've earned. I took you here because I want you to remember who you are."