CH 1
Note: There’s an incident of dubcon in this chapter. It’s mentioned briefly and over in a few vague sentences.
Today the sun was shining and no clouds were in the sky. In such brilliant weather, Jiang Xiao was admitted to Xingfushu Private Hospital.
Although it was a hospital it felt more like a resort. The scenery was beautiful, the air was fresh, and every patient had their own room. The wards were beautiful, spacious, and luxurious. The doctors and nurses were professional and their speech was pleasant. If Jiang Xiao followed his previous habits, he’d give this private hospital a five-star review, no less than five hundred words of glowing praise and encouragement, thanking them for their hospitality and promising to come back whenever he had the chance.
It was a pity that this costly private hospital with its excellent service and well-deserved reputation wasn’t listed in any rating app. If not for a friend’s introduction, Jiang Xiao probably wouldn’t have been admitted regardless of money. And he wasn’t likely to ever be a repeat customer. When he left this hospital, he’d go out horizontally.
Late stage leukemia. What bad luck.
Jiang Xiao was only thirty-three this year. When he got the lab results he didn’t believe it, but the cancer didn’t care about his feelings. He went to several hospitals and the results were all the same.
He had six months left at most.
Xingfushu Private Hospital really did offer a high standard of medical care, but Jiang Xiao’s condition wasn’t curable. The reason he chose Xingfushu, aside from the hope of surviving a little longer, was mostly to have a better quality of life during his last days. Another word for it was hospice care.
Before his illness he was always in a hurry. Worry was an indispensable part of his life. In his twenties he relied on his youth, and it was common for him to drink and stay up late when talking business. There were various circumstances a while ago, so he sometimes felt sick and didn’t have much energy, but he never thought much about it.
Dr. Liu, who was in charge of him, gave him some precautions in a gentle voice. Lastly she said that if he had any visitors, he should notify the hospital in advance so they could arrange for transportation.
“There won’t be any visitors,” Jiang Xiao said with a smile. “I met all my friends before I came. During the time I have left, I want to be by myself. If anyone asks about me just say I’m not here.”
When he smiled politely he revealed a pair of small tiger teeth. Because he’d lost some weight, the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes weren’t obvious, and his pale face also looked much younger.
Jiang Xiao had the kind of appearance that made people feel happy inside. Even as he spoke, one could tell his temper and mentality were very good. This kind of person shouldn’t be so lonely in his final days.
Dr. Liu automatically expressed her understanding, but given Jiang Xiao’s age, she wondered about his family. Even if you didn’t count friends, shouldn’t his wife or children come to see him?
But she’d seen too many people and situations. She made some guesses in her heart and didn’t say anything.
All the patients in this hospital were rich, and rich people always had their own troubles they’d rather not discuss.
Xingfushu really was a good hospital. Although they couldn’t save his life, they did their best to reduce Jiang Xiao’s suffering. He was finally able to relax for once, and he leisurely watched twenty episodes of a drama in his hospital room. Unfortunately the hospital didn’t supply potato chips and crawfish, otherwise Jiang Xiao would have been even more content.
The bed in the room was so soft that he fell asleep to the sound of the TV.
Jiang Xiao was used to sleeping alone and not recognizing the bed. He had a long dream that night, thinking of something that happened a while ago.
It was the day he got the examination report from the hospital. It just so happened that the management committee of Liujiang Industrial Park was holding its annual meeting, and Jiang Xiao, who was always on time, was running late for once.
He was a little distracted for obvious reasons. When he entered the venue, the staff asked for an invitation. He paled, smiled out of habit, and froze in place for seven or eight seconds. Then he fumbled with a stack of papers in his document folder and handed them over.
“Sir, this isn’t an invitation.” The young staff member still had a very good attitude. He poured a cup of hot water from the side and offered it to him. “As you can see, it’s a medical file.”
This time Jiang Xiao froze for even longer. He took back the file. The logo of the First People’s Hospital of Liujiang City was painfully visible.
He rummaged around in the document folder and couldn’t find the invitation, but fortunately someone came out from the venue. It happened to be a friend whom Jiang Xiao knew well. Their factories were close by, and they’d known each other for about ten years.
“Since when does President Jiang need an invitation? Are you new? Why don’t you know anyone?” The man greeted the staff and pulled Jiang Xiao along. “You, why didn’t you call me if you couldn’t get in?”
The meeting was half over. Jiang Xiao found a seat at random and sat in the back. The friend who brought him in was surnamed Su. Jiang Xiao generally called him Boss Su.
Boss Su noticed he wasn’t in great condition and asked, “Your face isn’t good. Did you and your family have a fight?”
Jiang Xiao shook his head.
“Don’t be stubborn.” Boss Su patted him on the shoulder. “Your family isn’t happy that you’re selling the land in the industrial park, right?”
Jiang Xiao’s manufacturing plant had been open for over ten years. There were more than a hundred workers in the factory producing daily necessities like towels and slippers. In the past few years, the annual output value easily exceeded one hundred million. But recently the call for industrial transformation in Liujiang City was getting more and more intense. The industrial park was in a very good location, and the top echelon planned to create a high-tech industrial demonstration zone. The factories inside would either comply with the policy of transformation, or sell and move far away.
It couldn’t be denied that Jiang Xiao’s manufacturing plant belonged to a low-end industry. He’d missed the chance to modernize, and now the profits were declining while expenses were growing higher. Day by day he was increasingly unable to hold on.
But Jiang Xiao owned the land where the factory was sited. Back when he bought the land it wasn’t worth much, so he acquired it easily.
Boss Su didn’t quite understand the reason Jiang Xiao wanted to sell. The industrial park was a key project and Jiang Xiao wasn’t short of money. If it stayed in his hands he could collect millions in rent every year, wasn’t that delicious?
Jiang Xiao listened to him talk and squeezed the document folder which contained the test results he’d just received.
“It’s better to sell. It’s pointless to keep it,” Jiang Xiao said. “… I don’t have much time left.”
These last words were spoken to himself, in a voice so quiet it was almost inaudible.
In fact, the sale had almost been finalized. The reason he came today was to cooperate with the last few steps of the process. The other company and the Park Committee were very accommodating, and the money was quite generous. Jiang Xiao’s selling price really wasn’t high. When the money arrived, he took out a large portion and paid a lot of severance to the hundred or so employees of the company.
The factory’s accountant, Sister Chen, had been working for Jiang Xiao since the beginning. She was old enough to take the money and retire, and she was one of the few who knew what was going on in Jiang Xiao’s life. She cared more about Jiang Xiao as a person than the factory closing down.
“Your complexion is really bad lately. Is it because you haven’t taken a break?” She added, “Why didn’t Xiao Lin come for such a big event?”
Jiang Xiao didn’t answer. Lately he’d been in a daze.
“He’s not available.” Jiang Xiao slowly added, “As you know, he’s busy and hasn’t been back for more than a month.”
“What kind of a reason is that?” Sister Chen was incredulous, “He…”
At this point she closed her mouth, maybe because Jiang Xiao’s face was so haggard. She didn’t want to say anything else to make him feel bad.
Sister Chen took the money and left. Jiang Xiao sat alone in the office for a long time. Late at night, he slowly stood up and prepared to go home.
He didn’t drive that day but walked back from the factory. The wind was cold as a knife in the dark night. Jiang Xiao passed through the crowds in the street, and a new financial magazine was displayed in the street newspaper kiosk. On the cover was Lin ChengYu, whom he hadn’t seen in a long time. He had an elegant and reserved temperament no one else could match, like a walking luxury product. As an upstart in the financial circle he seemed able to easily get the love of others. When Jiang Xiao passed by he saw two young girls laughing and smiling as they bought the magazine.
It was certainly easy to get Jiang Xiao’s love.
He stood in front of that newsstand for a while. The Lin ChengYu on the cover was perfect, but Jiang Xiao was pale and his hair was disheveled, like a homeless, wandering soul.
No one would have thought these two were a couple.
He could still remember what happened all those years ago. He first met Lin ChengYu at the age of nineteen. At the time, Jiang Xiao had dropped out of school and was doing manual labor. He was struggling to make a living on his own when he came across a person in an alley.
Lin ChengYu had lost his mother and father by then, and there wasn’t a yuan in his pocket, so it wasn’t clear why a group of punks surrounded him and began to beat him up. Jiang Xiao thought he was just doing a good deed. He didn’t know he’d end up entangled for the rest of his life with the man who’d break his heart again and again.
Lin ChengYu was covered in rags like he’d come from a garbage heap, but when he was taken home and washed clean, he became a shining pearl. He was very good-looking, and the injuries on his face didn’t damage his youthful beauty but made his appearance even more heartbreaking.
When he smiled at Jiang Xiao he was as handsome as a fairy or an elf, so the heart of young Jiang Xiao began to race. He fell head over heels.
After Jiang Xiao fell in love, he suddenly had a goal and hope for the future. He willingly provided for Lin ChengYu, offered to send him to college, and didn’t let him suffer a single bit. Jiang Xiao set up the factory with only a junior high school diploma, burning money to help Lin ChengYu make it through the hardest period in his life. Jiang Xiao helped Lin ChengYu enter the best investment bank, and little by little he climbed up to where he was now, commanding the wind and rain.
As he recalled all this, Jiang Xiao realized how much time had passed.
He and Lin ChengYu first met fifteen years ago. When he mustered the courage to chase him, Lin ChengYu didn’t refuse. In total, they’d been together for ten years.
He used to think he was lucky to have a successful career and live with the person he liked, going from hard times to the good life he had now.
Even if it felt difficult sometimes, he always thought he’d be able to enjoy the fruits of his hard work together with Lin ChengYu in the future. It was a pity he was dying. He couldn’t wait until Lin ChengYu had time, not to mention that he and Lin ChengYu were both men and couldn’t get married. In the legal sense they were nothing more than strangers. In the financial magazine just now, the reporter wrote that Lin ChengYu was single and unmarried.
Jiang Xiao was now thirty-three years old. He’d missed too many opportunities to improve himself because of all the challenges before. Even though he’d gained some experience from his hard work, the limitations of a junior high school education meant he couldn’t adapt to the current trend of highly sophisticated reforms. The factory was sold, he’d been Lin ChengYu’s invisible, unnamed lover for ten years, and the hospital said he had leukemia.
How did life suddenly turn out like this?
He was dumbfounded when he got the test results. The first time he called Lin ChengYu, he left a dozen or so calls, but no one answered. That night it was the secretary who called Jiang Xiao back. Although her tone was good, if you listened carefully every sentence was loaded with sarcasm.
“Mr. Lin has been in a lot of meetings. There were big orders in the last few days, and the company is very busy,” she said. “If you have something, let me know in advance and I’ll arrange something for you.”
Jiang Xiao didn’t have the energy to wrangle Lin ChengYu’s secretary, and he didn’t call after that.
The illness was like the last straw. It crushed Jiang Xiao. The closure of the factory was a blow, and the leukemia was an even bigger blow. When he learned his days were numbered and he wanted to find the person he felt closest to for support, Lin ChengYu, as always, wasn’t there.
Jiang Xiao was a passionate person. He knew Lin ChengYu’s temperament was cold, so it was only natural that his feelings weren’t as strong.
Jiang Xiao was one who fell in love first, and he’d fallen deeply. He always thought there was nothing wrong with giving more. He never kept score when it came to the person he loved.
Lin ChengYu was busy, so the two people almost never enjoyed the dating a normal couple would have done. In recent years much of Lin ChengYu’s business focus had shifted from Liujiang to Binhai City, thousands of miles away on the coast. He was gone even more, but Jiang Xiao endured it.
Forbearance, forbearance. If not for this disease, maybe Jiang Xiao would have continued to deceive himself. But when so many things piled on at once, he stopped pretending.
His whole body was shaking, like he’d walked to the edge of a cliff.
A week after Jiang Xiao finished dealing with the factory’s affairs, he saw Lin ChengYu at home.
By then Jiang Xiao had known about the leukemia for a long time. Several of his close friends knew about it too. One introduced Xingfushu Private Hospital to Jiang Xiao, and he went through the admission procedures alone. He was scheduled to be admitted the day after tomorrow.
Maybe when the work at hand was done, Lin ChengYu would come back.
He was wearing a black suit as if he’d just come from a banquet. Standing at the entrance he casually pulled off his tie. When he looked up at Jiang Xiao, the sight of his face moved Jiang Xiao’s heart, the same as always.
He was one year younger than Jiang Xiao, thirty-two years old this year. He was in the prime of his career. Of mixed race, his eye color had a little blue and gray, and his peach blossom eyes possessed a natural attractiveness. His entire face was impeccable. The slightest trace the years had left only made him more mature and attractive.
Handsome and successful. If you lived with such a person, you’d feel happy, right?
Countless people thought so, but Jiang Xiao, the person who’d actually accompanied him and experienced everything, had mixed feelings.
Lin ChengYu was cold as a winter’s day for ten years, and no matter what Jiang Xiao did, he couldn’t warm his heart.
He’d cooked a bowl of congee in the evening but couldn’t eat any more, so he pushed the bowl aside.
Lin ChengYu also looked a little tired. He sat on the couch and opened a bottle of red wine.
In the past, Jiang Xiao would sit next to him, then naturally squeeze into his arms and find a topic to talk about. This time Jiang Xiao was abnormal. He took the bowl into the kitchen to clean up. Lin ChengYu waited for a while, then glanced at the kitchen suspiciously, but he didn’t move.
It was too silent. The atmosphere in the room was too strange. After a while, Lin ChengYu took the initiative to speak.
“Secretary Lin told me you made a lot of calls,” he said. “I was in a meeting at the time, a very important meeting. If you have something to say, tell me now.”
He felt it was a little unreasonable for Jiang Xiao to still be angry. Maybe he was in a good mood today, and that was why he bothered to explain.
As long as he made his voice a little softer and let the light set off his face, Jiang Xiao wouldn’t get angry because of little things. He always gave in first.
But today was different. Jiang Xiao came out after washing the dishes with his back toward him. He responded faintly, “I get it, it doesn’t matter. Everything’s been settled.”
Secretary Lin didn’t develop an attitude out of nowhere. She’d been doing this job a long time. She deeply felt that Lin ChengYu didn’t care much about Jiang Xiao. He’d complained to Lin Chengyu before about Secretary Lin, and then he went and rammed into the same wall again.
Jiang Xiao sat down on the sofa but didn’t burrow into Lin ChengYu’s arms.
“Have you been busy lately?” He quietly added, “I saw the magazine. Is there a lot going on at the company?”
“It’s okay.” When Lin ChengYu mentioned work he felt excited and poured some wine into his glass. “The company has a lot of projects lately. I’ll have to travel for a while. XiaoXiao, you should be happy for me.”
Recently Lin ChengYu had been riding high. He was completely unaware of the torture Jiang Xiao had suffered lately. He’d been away from home a long time and thought Jiang Xiao must be used to it. Jiang Xiao was always full of regret when Lin ChengYu told him he was going away. He’d become eager and passionate about everything, including in bed. Lin ChengYu always enjoyed this enthusiasm before they parted.
But this time Jiang Xiao didn’t have much expression. He lowered his eyes and asked, “When are you leaving?”
“First thing in the morning.”
After a pause Jiang Xiao spoke, and his voice was trembling, “Can you not go? Can you take some time… to stay with me?”
It was the first time Jiang Xiao had made such a request. He didn’t want Lin ChengYu to go, but the most he could hope for was that Lin ChengYu might come back sometime in the middle. If he couldn’t, maybe he would call a few times. Jiang Xiao had never asked Lin ChengYu to give up anything for him before.
He was one year older than Lin ChengYu and had always taken care of him.
But in a few days it would be their official tenth anniversary together. If Lin ChengYu felt even a trace of concern, he would have heard about the factory bankruptcy. And Jiang Xiao’s appearance wasn’t good at all. Boss Su and Accountant Chen saw it at a glance. They’d asked some questions, but Lin ChengYu didn’t even notice.
When Jiang Xiao spoke, there was a rusty taste in his mouth from his bleeding gums. It was a symptom of leukemia.
“It won’t take long. A month, a week.” It was like he was trying to grab a life-saving straw. “Or just three days….”
He wanted to tell Lin ChengYu about everything. He wanted to tell his dearest person about the terrible things in his life. He hadn’t been able to see Lin ChengYu, so he made a dozen or so calls, but there was no response. If Lin ChengYu had felt the slightest hint that something was wrong, Jiang Xiao would have told him everything. Unburdening himself might give him a little comfort in whatever time was left.
But Lin ChengYu didn’t nod. He didn’t ask what was going on. He just pulled Jiang Xiao closer to interrupt him, pinched his earlobe, and said, “Is XiaoXiao angry with me? Are you pouting?”
Jiang Xiao shook his head stiffly as Lin ChengYu began to get affectionate, because Lin ChengYu was genuinely happy now, as if they really were a loving couple.
But if he cared, why didn’t he have the slightest idea about so many things?
He sounded like he thought Jiang Xiao was joking.
I’m dying, Lin ChengYu, do you know?
He opened his mouth to say these words, but Lin ChengYu stopped him. He kissed the corner of Jiang Xiao’s lips, and when he spoke, his tone was loving, but the meaning was obvious: “No, what I’m dealing with is really important. Be a good boy and behave.”
His arms were tenderly wrapped around Jiang Xiao’s waist, but his words were like a knife to the heart.
Jiang Xiao couldn’t speak.
His eyes at that moment were dull and unmoving, and there was a deathly, inexpressible pain in his heart.
He couldn’t count how many times he’d been disappointed or compromised. This was just another unsurprising disappointment. Maybe the first time it happened he would have argued, lost his temper, or begged, but it happened over and over, and Jiang Xiao had nothing to say.
He and Lin ChengYu had been together so long that he couldn’t say they’d never been happy. There were happy times, though they were few.
But Jiang Xiao clearly realized now that he had never been the most important thing in Lin ChengYu’s heart. Colleagues, work, important parties, whatever, Jiang Xiao always sat in the back row. Countless times he’d heard “no”, “next time”, “no time”, and “be good”. Then he tried to eke out a little joy and happiness from whatever time was left. How cheap. How laughable.
He wished Lin ChengYu had just refused him from the beginning. But Jiang Xiao had been tricked into persevering by that little bit of sweetness, thinking Lin ChengYu just didn’t like to express his feelings, that his personality was different. Finally the abyss was exposed, and all he felt was pain.
If love is never expressed or acted upon, it isn’t love at all. Lin ChengYu had never loved him.
Lin ChengYu didn’t notice Jiang Xiao’s expression. He drank some wine and hoped Jiang Xiao would be obedient, active, and enthusiastic as usual to please him.
The two had always been incredibly compatible in bed.
It was a bit strange today, probably because of the phone thing, but he wanted it to be like before. He used the same methods as always, pulling the dazed Jiang Xiao to him and lowering his head to feed him a mouthful of red wine.
The wine was very strong. Jiang Xiao was stunned, and after swallowing he remembered he couldn’t drink now, because it was harmful to his body.
“I don’t want to…”
Jiang Xiao refused. He really was sick today. He was hungry but he couldn’t force anything down, and his body had no strength.
But Lin ChengYu wanted to do it, and he never took Jiang Xiao’s opinions seriously. His coaxing was affectionate and tender, but the action wasn’t to be denied.
Neither of them slept that night. It was the most painful entanglement in Jiang Xiao’s life, both physically and mentally.
He had always been patient, thinking he could warm Lin ChengYu’s heart of ice. But after fifteen years, Lin ChengYu’s heart hadn’t warmed, and Jiang Xiao’s heart went cold. He felt like a prop. He’d devoted his life to Lin ChengYu, and now that he was used up, it was time to leave the scene.
The person he thought was the love of his life had never really loved him, and the marriage he wanted was a joke. It was nothing more than a dream he’d carried alone for fifteen years, and it was time for him to wake up. The despair in his life had accumulated bit by bit until it exploded in the last days of his life.
“… Did you ever love me?”
Jiang Xiao asked him during the process.
Maybe Lin ChengYu didn’t hear, maybe he wasn’t paying attention, or maybe he just didn’t want to answer. Jiang Xiao never got a reply.
In fact, Jiang Xiao realized that Lin ChengYu didn’t even know what love was. Jiang Xiao had given too much. Lin ChengYu enjoyed it and was used to it, but he wouldn’t actually fall in love with him for it.
Jiang Xiao’s gums began to ooze blood again.
The next day he watched Lin ChengYu pack his bags. He was terribly unwell and his entire body ached all over, but he was quiet and didn’t say anything.
While Lin ChengYu was packing, Jiang Xiao was lying on the bed with his eyes open. If anyone had looked at him, they’d be scared by how much he resembled a corpse.
Lin ChengYu finished packing and was ready to leave. He’d obviously done this kind of thing many times, leaving Jiang Xiao alone in the house. He never felt anything when he went away. As far as he was concerned, every time he left, this person would be there when he came back.
But this time seemed a little different. Lin ChengYu somehow felt a kind of unexplainable panic. He kept thinking that he was missing something, a kind of nebulous warning from the dark, like he’d forgotten to pack something, so he checked in his luggage repeatedly. He was always punctual but now he was running an hour late. The secretary kept urging him to come out or he wouldn’t catch the plane. Lin ChengYu opened the door of the house and prepared to leave.
As he reached for the doorknob, he saw Jiang Xiao in his pajamas. He stood there quietly with a reluctant smile, revealing those two familiar and very cute tiger teeth.
It was a light smile that didn’t reach the bottom of his eyes. If you looked closely, he seemed to be crying.
Then the door closed and Lin ChengYu stood in a daze for a while.
Jiang Xiao… He’d lost some weight, Lin ChengYu told himself. When I finish this job I’ll have time to accompany him.
Besides, Jiang Xiao was so well-behaved and sensible. He always understood.
With these thoughts in his mind, he followed the habit he always did and left without looking back.
When Jiang Xiao departed he didn’t take a heavy bag like Lin ChengYu. He took his bank card, ID, and mobile phone, put on an ordinary coat, and checked into Xingfushu Private Hospital.
When he left the “home” that he and Lin ChengYu had lived in for ten years, Jiang Xiao seemed to have cut something out of himself, like a piece of flesh was severed from his body.
Facts proved that the money he’d worked so hard to get was more reliable than Lin ChengYu. At least the high-cost Xingfushu Hospital did its best to ease his suffering and treated him with decency before he died. Later they’d collect his corpse and set up a tomb to complete the one-stop service.
Jiang Xiao’s condition deteriorated rapidly after he arrived. Dr. Liu said he didn’t have much will to live, as if he’d been exhausted to the core and simply given up.
When Jiang Xiao came to the hospital, he received a lot of care, but his condition got worse. His cell phone number didn’t change, and his phone was always on, but if he didn’t call, Lin ChengYu wouldn’t take the initiative to call him, and it was the same now.
He’d always been aloof, waiting for people to offer up their hearts to him.
Maybe people really do have a sixth sense. One day, Jiang Xiao really felt extremely ill. His brain was in chaos at that moment, not controlled by reason. Dr. Liu and a bunch of nurses surrounded him, getting all kinds of instruments and tubes into him, and Jiang Xiao in a state of confusion begged her to make a call.
Dr. Liu couldn’t refuse him, so she gave him the phone.
She watched as Jiang Xiao gripped the phone with shaking hands, trying to keep his blurring eyes wide open until he found the person’s name on the screen.
According to the time difference, it should be late at night. The phone rang for a long time and no one answered. Jiang Xiao continued to call, and finally someone picked up.
It was a sweet, girlish voice that asked, “Who is this?”
Jiang Xiao didn’t get a chance to speak. He was struck dumb, and all he could do was listen. When the voice asked a few more times and got no response, the other side hung up.
After that phone call, the little remaining warmth in the ashes of his heart was quenched.
There was no need to see him. Jiang Xiao threw the phone away and never called again.
At the very end, with the final bit of reason that remained to him, Dr. Liu sat at his bedside and asked what he wanted carved on his tombstone.
Jiang Xiao’s parents were long gone, and so was his so-called lover. His friends would respect his choice and let him write his own epitaph. Many people’s epitaphs talked about their life and achievements. Jiang Xiao didn’t want anything in particular, but when she asked, he couldn’t help but think of his feelings when he first entered the Xingfushu Private Hospital.
Dr. Liu had seen this man in his most painful moments, but she also saw him smile just before he died, his eyebrows lifted in an arch, revealing two sharp little tiger teeth. Just like when they first met, you couldn’t help but feel good when you were with him.
In the end, he was buried in a peaceful cemetery surrounded by beautiful scenery. The location Jiang Xiao chose was in the corner, alone but also very quiet, in line with his preferences. The rest of his money was donated. On the tombstone were written eight words—Thank You For Visiting And Come Back Soon.
The photo on the monument was chosen by Jiang Xiao himself. It was from when he was young, probably in his early twenties. His smile was as brilliant as a daffodil, as if there’d never been any sorrow in his life.
Jiang Xiao also liked to laugh when he was in the hospital. He always had a good temper, but when she looked at that photo she thought his later smile was reluctant, strained, and not as pure.
I wonder what made him like this.
Dr. Liu brought a small bouquet of daisies and placed them in front of his grave. She’d seen a lot of patients. She had a vague idea of Jiang Xiao’s story, but she didn’t dare to think too deeply about it.
Many people became vicious before they died, especially people in their thirties who were in their prime of life, and it was normal to be unwilling. But Jiang Xiao was too tranquil. It was like he’d been disappointed too much, so he was calm about everything.
If there really is an afterlife, I hope he has a better life.
TL Notes:
This is a teaser. While I love how this story begins, I don’t love the rest of the novel enough to translate all 190 chapters (sorry!). I’ll do a few more chapters so you can get a taste. If anyone else would like to take over this series, please tell me and I’ll link to you. <3
Additional notes:
Regarding the brief dubcon in this chapter, I’ve read the rest of the story and as far as I remember, this is the only incident of dubcon (etc.) in the book. So if that’s an issue for you, don’t feel worried that it will recur or that the gong won’t pay a price.
The author uses line and paragraph breaks in mysterious and possibly random ways. I took the liberty of making the paragraph spacing consistent. I don’t know if it’s correct, but it’s easier to work with.
“the man who’d break his heart again and again ” – 冤家 – enemy, foe, sweetheart, one’s destined love, a person who seems to be hated but is actually loved, a person who causes pain but cannot be abandoned
“commanding the wind and rain” – 呼风唤雨 – summon the wind and call the rain – wield total control, call the shots, make waves, wield great power
“document folder” – 文件袋 – document bag, document pouch, file holder, manila envelope
“develop an attitude” – 阴阳怪气 – yin and yang peculiar – weird, mystifying, deliberately ambiguous, dripping acid, with sarcasm
“riding high” – 春风得意 – the spring breeze had obtained its wish – attained a success and be well-contented, ride on the crest of success, extremely proud of success
Transliterated names, titles, and places—new in this chapter:
Jiang Xiao – 姜宵 – Our MC
Dr. Liu – 柳医生 – Liǔ Yīshēng
President Jiang – 姜总 – Jiāng Zǒng – Alternatively: Mr. Jiang, Chief Jiang
Boss Su – 苏老板 – Sū Lǎobǎn. Alternatively: Mr. Su, Proprietor Su
Sister Chen – 陈姐 – Chén Jiě. Alternatively: Ms. Chen
Accountant Chen – 会计陈姐 – Alternatively: Accountant Sister Chen, Ms. Chen
Lin ChengYu – 蔺成聿 – Our ML
Xiao Lin – 小蔺 – ML’s nickname
XiaoXiao – 宵宵 – MC’s nickname
Secretary Lin – 林秘书 – ML’s secretary. They have different surnames.
Xingfushu Private Hospital – 幸福树私人医院 – Alternatively: Happy Trees Private Hospital
Liujiang Industrial Park – 柳江工业园
Liujiang City – 柳江市
Binhai City – 滨海市
minor copyediting, 09-2021
Today the sun was shining and no clouds were in the sky. In such brilliant weather, Jiang Xiao was admitted to Xingfushu Private Hospital.
Although it was a hospital it felt more like a resort. The scenery was beautiful, the air was fresh, and every patient had their own room. The wards were beautiful, spacious, and luxurious. The doctors and nurses were professional and their speech was pleasant. If Jiang Xiao followed his previous habits, he’d give this private hospital a five-star review, no less than five hundred words of glowing praise and encouragement, thanking them for their hospitality and promising to come back whenever he had the chance.
It was a pity that this costly private hospital with its excellent service and well-deserved reputation wasn’t listed in any rating app. If not for a friend’s introduction, Jiang Xiao probably wouldn’t have been admitted regardless of money. And he wasn’t likely to ever be a repeat customer. When he left this hospital, he’d go out horizontally.
Late stage leukemia. What bad luck.
Jiang Xiao was only thirty-three this year. When he got the lab results he didn’t believe it, but the cancer didn’t care about his feelings. He went to several hospitals and the results were all the same.
He had six months left at most.
Xingfushu Private Hospital really did offer a high standard of medical care, but Jiang Xiao’s condition wasn’t curable. The reason he chose Xingfushu, aside from the hope of surviving a little longer, was mostly to have a better quality of life during his last days. Another word for it was hospice care.
Before his illness he was always in a hurry. Worry was an indispensable part of his life. In his twenties he relied on his youth, and it was common for him to drink and stay up late when talking business. There were various circumstances a while ago, so he sometimes felt sick and didn’t have much energy, but he never thought much about it.
Dr. Liu, who was in charge of him, gave him some precautions in a gentle voice. Lastly she said that if he had any visitors, he should notify the hospital in advance so they could arrange for transportation.
“There won’t be any visitors,” Jiang Xiao said with a smile. “I met all my friends before I came. During the time I have left, I want to be by myself. If anyone asks about me just say I’m not here.”
When he smiled politely he revealed a pair of small tiger teeth. Because he’d lost some weight, the wrinkles at the corners of his eyes weren’t obvious, and his pale face also looked much younger.
Jiang Xiao had the kind of appearance that made people feel happy inside. Even as he spoke, one could tell his temper and mentality were very good. This kind of person shouldn’t be so lonely in his final days.
Dr. Liu automatically expressed her understanding, but given Jiang Xiao’s age, she wondered about his family. Even if you didn’t count friends, shouldn’t his wife or children come to see him?
But she’d seen too many people and situations. She made some guesses in her heart and didn’t say anything.
All the patients in this hospital were rich, and rich people always had their own troubles they’d rather not discuss.
Xingfushu really was a good hospital. Although they couldn’t save his life, they did their best to reduce Jiang Xiao’s suffering. He was finally able to relax for once, and he leisurely watched twenty episodes of a drama in his hospital room. Unfortunately the hospital didn’t supply potato chips and crawfish, otherwise Jiang Xiao would have been even more content.
The bed in the room was so soft that he fell asleep to the sound of the TV.
Jiang Xiao was used to sleeping alone and not recognizing the bed. He had a long dream that night, thinking of something that happened a while ago.
It was the day he got the examination report from the hospital. It just so happened that the management committee of Liujiang Industrial Park was holding its annual meeting, and Jiang Xiao, who was always on time, was running late for once.
He was a little distracted for obvious reasons. When he entered the venue, the staff asked for an invitation. He paled, smiled out of habit, and froze in place for seven or eight seconds. Then he fumbled with a stack of papers in his document folder and handed them over.
“Sir, this isn’t an invitation.” The young staff member still had a very good attitude. He poured a cup of hot water from the side and offered it to him. “As you can see, it’s a medical file.”
This time Jiang Xiao froze for even longer. He took back the file. The logo of the First People’s Hospital of Liujiang City was painfully visible.
He rummaged around in the document folder and couldn’t find the invitation, but fortunately someone came out from the venue. It happened to be a friend whom Jiang Xiao knew well. Their factories were close by, and they’d known each other for about ten years.
“Since when does President Jiang need an invitation? Are you new? Why don’t you know anyone?” The man greeted the staff and pulled Jiang Xiao along. “You, why didn’t you call me if you couldn’t get in?”
The meeting was half over. Jiang Xiao found a seat at random and sat in the back. The friend who brought him in was surnamed Su. Jiang Xiao generally called him Boss Su.
Boss Su noticed he wasn’t in great condition and asked, “Your face isn’t good. Did you and your family have a fight?”
Jiang Xiao shook his head.
“Don’t be stubborn.” Boss Su patted him on the shoulder. “Your family isn’t happy that you’re selling the land in the industrial park, right?”
Jiang Xiao’s manufacturing plant had been open for over ten years. There were more than a hundred workers in the factory producing daily necessities like towels and slippers. In the past few years, the annual output value easily exceeded one hundred million. But recently the call for industrial transformation in Liujiang City was getting more and more intense. The industrial park was in a very good location, and the top echelon planned to create a high-tech industrial demonstration zone. The factories inside would either comply with the policy of transformation, or sell and move far away.
It couldn’t be denied that Jiang Xiao’s manufacturing plant belonged to a low-end industry. He’d missed the chance to modernize, and now the profits were declining while expenses were growing higher. Day by day he was increasingly unable to hold on.
But Jiang Xiao owned the land where the factory was sited. Back when he bought the land it wasn’t worth much, so he acquired it easily.
Boss Su didn’t quite understand the reason Jiang Xiao wanted to sell. The industrial park was a key project and Jiang Xiao wasn’t short of money. If it stayed in his hands he could collect millions in rent every year, wasn’t that delicious?
Jiang Xiao listened to him talk and squeezed the document folder which contained the test results he’d just received.
“It’s better to sell. It’s pointless to keep it,” Jiang Xiao said. “… I don’t have much time left.”
These last words were spoken to himself, in a voice so quiet it was almost inaudible.
In fact, the sale had almost been finalized. The reason he came today was to cooperate with the last few steps of the process. The other company and the Park Committee were very accommodating, and the money was quite generous. Jiang Xiao’s selling price really wasn’t high. When the money arrived, he took out a large portion and paid a lot of severance to the hundred or so employees of the company.
The factory’s accountant, Sister Chen, had been working for Jiang Xiao since the beginning. She was old enough to take the money and retire, and she was one of the few who knew what was going on in Jiang Xiao’s life. She cared more about Jiang Xiao as a person than the factory closing down.
“Your complexion is really bad lately. Is it because you haven’t taken a break?” She added, “Why didn’t Xiao Lin come for such a big event?”
Jiang Xiao didn’t answer. Lately he’d been in a daze.
“He’s not available.” Jiang Xiao slowly added, “As you know, he’s busy and hasn’t been back for more than a month.”
“What kind of a reason is that?” Sister Chen was incredulous, “He…”
At this point she closed her mouth, maybe because Jiang Xiao’s face was so haggard. She didn’t want to say anything else to make him feel bad.
Sister Chen took the money and left. Jiang Xiao sat alone in the office for a long time. Late at night, he slowly stood up and prepared to go home.
He didn’t drive that day but walked back from the factory. The wind was cold as a knife in the dark night. Jiang Xiao passed through the crowds in the street, and a new financial magazine was displayed in the street newspaper kiosk. On the cover was Lin ChengYu, whom he hadn’t seen in a long time. He had an elegant and reserved temperament no one else could match, like a walking luxury product. As an upstart in the financial circle he seemed able to easily get the love of others. When Jiang Xiao passed by he saw two young girls laughing and smiling as they bought the magazine.
It was certainly easy to get Jiang Xiao’s love.
He stood in front of that newsstand for a while. The Lin ChengYu on the cover was perfect, but Jiang Xiao was pale and his hair was disheveled, like a homeless, wandering soul.
No one would have thought these two were a couple.
He could still remember what happened all those years ago. He first met Lin ChengYu at the age of nineteen. At the time, Jiang Xiao had dropped out of school and was doing manual labor. He was struggling to make a living on his own when he came across a person in an alley.
Lin ChengYu had lost his mother and father by then, and there wasn’t a yuan in his pocket, so it wasn’t clear why a group of punks surrounded him and began to beat him up. Jiang Xiao thought he was just doing a good deed. He didn’t know he’d end up entangled for the rest of his life with the man who’d break his heart again and again.
Lin ChengYu was covered in rags like he’d come from a garbage heap, but when he was taken home and washed clean, he became a shining pearl. He was very good-looking, and the injuries on his face didn’t damage his youthful beauty but made his appearance even more heartbreaking.
When he smiled at Jiang Xiao he was as handsome as a fairy or an elf, so the heart of young Jiang Xiao began to race. He fell head over heels.
After Jiang Xiao fell in love, he suddenly had a goal and hope for the future. He willingly provided for Lin ChengYu, offered to send him to college, and didn’t let him suffer a single bit. Jiang Xiao set up the factory with only a junior high school diploma, burning money to help Lin ChengYu make it through the hardest period in his life. Jiang Xiao helped Lin ChengYu enter the best investment bank, and little by little he climbed up to where he was now, commanding the wind and rain.
As he recalled all this, Jiang Xiao realized how much time had passed.
He and Lin ChengYu first met fifteen years ago. When he mustered the courage to chase him, Lin ChengYu didn’t refuse. In total, they’d been together for ten years.
He used to think he was lucky to have a successful career and live with the person he liked, going from hard times to the good life he had now.
Even if it felt difficult sometimes, he always thought he’d be able to enjoy the fruits of his hard work together with Lin ChengYu in the future. It was a pity he was dying. He couldn’t wait until Lin ChengYu had time, not to mention that he and Lin ChengYu were both men and couldn’t get married. In the legal sense they were nothing more than strangers. In the financial magazine just now, the reporter wrote that Lin ChengYu was single and unmarried.
Jiang Xiao was now thirty-three years old. He’d missed too many opportunities to improve himself because of all the challenges before. Even though he’d gained some experience from his hard work, the limitations of a junior high school education meant he couldn’t adapt to the current trend of highly sophisticated reforms. The factory was sold, he’d been Lin ChengYu’s invisible, unnamed lover for ten years, and the hospital said he had leukemia.
How did life suddenly turn out like this?
He was dumbfounded when he got the test results. The first time he called Lin ChengYu, he left a dozen or so calls, but no one answered. That night it was the secretary who called Jiang Xiao back. Although her tone was good, if you listened carefully every sentence was loaded with sarcasm.
“Mr. Lin has been in a lot of meetings. There were big orders in the last few days, and the company is very busy,” she said. “If you have something, let me know in advance and I’ll arrange something for you.”
Jiang Xiao didn’t have the energy to wrangle Lin ChengYu’s secretary, and he didn’t call after that.
The illness was like the last straw. It crushed Jiang Xiao. The closure of the factory was a blow, and the leukemia was an even bigger blow. When he learned his days were numbered and he wanted to find the person he felt closest to for support, Lin ChengYu, as always, wasn’t there.
Jiang Xiao was a passionate person. He knew Lin ChengYu’s temperament was cold, so it was only natural that his feelings weren’t as strong.
Jiang Xiao was one who fell in love first, and he’d fallen deeply. He always thought there was nothing wrong with giving more. He never kept score when it came to the person he loved.
Lin ChengYu was busy, so the two people almost never enjoyed the dating a normal couple would have done. In recent years much of Lin ChengYu’s business focus had shifted from Liujiang to Binhai City, thousands of miles away on the coast. He was gone even more, but Jiang Xiao endured it.
Forbearance, forbearance. If not for this disease, maybe Jiang Xiao would have continued to deceive himself. But when so many things piled on at once, he stopped pretending.
His whole body was shaking, like he’d walked to the edge of a cliff.
A week after Jiang Xiao finished dealing with the factory’s affairs, he saw Lin ChengYu at home.
By then Jiang Xiao had known about the leukemia for a long time. Several of his close friends knew about it too. One introduced Xingfushu Private Hospital to Jiang Xiao, and he went through the admission procedures alone. He was scheduled to be admitted the day after tomorrow.
Maybe when the work at hand was done, Lin ChengYu would come back.
He was wearing a black suit as if he’d just come from a banquet. Standing at the entrance he casually pulled off his tie. When he looked up at Jiang Xiao, the sight of his face moved Jiang Xiao’s heart, the same as always.
He was one year younger than Jiang Xiao, thirty-two years old this year. He was in the prime of his career. Of mixed race, his eye color had a little blue and gray, and his peach blossom eyes possessed a natural attractiveness. His entire face was impeccable. The slightest trace the years had left only made him more mature and attractive.
Handsome and successful. If you lived with such a person, you’d feel happy, right?
Countless people thought so, but Jiang Xiao, the person who’d actually accompanied him and experienced everything, had mixed feelings.
Lin ChengYu was cold as a winter’s day for ten years, and no matter what Jiang Xiao did, he couldn’t warm his heart.
He’d cooked a bowl of congee in the evening but couldn’t eat any more, so he pushed the bowl aside.
Lin ChengYu also looked a little tired. He sat on the couch and opened a bottle of red wine.
In the past, Jiang Xiao would sit next to him, then naturally squeeze into his arms and find a topic to talk about. This time Jiang Xiao was abnormal. He took the bowl into the kitchen to clean up. Lin ChengYu waited for a while, then glanced at the kitchen suspiciously, but he didn’t move.
It was too silent. The atmosphere in the room was too strange. After a while, Lin ChengYu took the initiative to speak.
“Secretary Lin told me you made a lot of calls,” he said. “I was in a meeting at the time, a very important meeting. If you have something to say, tell me now.”
He felt it was a little unreasonable for Jiang Xiao to still be angry. Maybe he was in a good mood today, and that was why he bothered to explain.
As long as he made his voice a little softer and let the light set off his face, Jiang Xiao wouldn’t get angry because of little things. He always gave in first.
But today was different. Jiang Xiao came out after washing the dishes with his back toward him. He responded faintly, “I get it, it doesn’t matter. Everything’s been settled.”
Secretary Lin didn’t develop an attitude out of nowhere. She’d been doing this job a long time. She deeply felt that Lin ChengYu didn’t care much about Jiang Xiao. He’d complained to Lin Chengyu before about Secretary Lin, and then he went and rammed into the same wall again.
Jiang Xiao sat down on the sofa but didn’t burrow into Lin ChengYu’s arms.
“Have you been busy lately?” He quietly added, “I saw the magazine. Is there a lot going on at the company?”
“It’s okay.” When Lin ChengYu mentioned work he felt excited and poured some wine into his glass. “The company has a lot of projects lately. I’ll have to travel for a while. XiaoXiao, you should be happy for me.”
Recently Lin ChengYu had been riding high. He was completely unaware of the torture Jiang Xiao had suffered lately. He’d been away from home a long time and thought Jiang Xiao must be used to it. Jiang Xiao was always full of regret when Lin ChengYu told him he was going away. He’d become eager and passionate about everything, including in bed. Lin ChengYu always enjoyed this enthusiasm before they parted.
But this time Jiang Xiao didn’t have much expression. He lowered his eyes and asked, “When are you leaving?”
“First thing in the morning.”
After a pause Jiang Xiao spoke, and his voice was trembling, “Can you not go? Can you take some time… to stay with me?”
It was the first time Jiang Xiao had made such a request. He didn’t want Lin ChengYu to go, but the most he could hope for was that Lin ChengYu might come back sometime in the middle. If he couldn’t, maybe he would call a few times. Jiang Xiao had never asked Lin ChengYu to give up anything for him before.
He was one year older than Lin ChengYu and had always taken care of him.
But in a few days it would be their official tenth anniversary together. If Lin ChengYu felt even a trace of concern, he would have heard about the factory bankruptcy. And Jiang Xiao’s appearance wasn’t good at all. Boss Su and Accountant Chen saw it at a glance. They’d asked some questions, but Lin ChengYu didn’t even notice.
When Jiang Xiao spoke, there was a rusty taste in his mouth from his bleeding gums. It was a symptom of leukemia.
“It won’t take long. A month, a week.” It was like he was trying to grab a life-saving straw. “Or just three days….”
He wanted to tell Lin ChengYu about everything. He wanted to tell his dearest person about the terrible things in his life. He hadn’t been able to see Lin ChengYu, so he made a dozen or so calls, but there was no response. If Lin ChengYu had felt the slightest hint that something was wrong, Jiang Xiao would have told him everything. Unburdening himself might give him a little comfort in whatever time was left.
But Lin ChengYu didn’t nod. He didn’t ask what was going on. He just pulled Jiang Xiao closer to interrupt him, pinched his earlobe, and said, “Is XiaoXiao angry with me? Are you pouting?”
Jiang Xiao shook his head stiffly as Lin ChengYu began to get affectionate, because Lin ChengYu was genuinely happy now, as if they really were a loving couple.
But if he cared, why didn’t he have the slightest idea about so many things?
He sounded like he thought Jiang Xiao was joking.
I’m dying, Lin ChengYu, do you know?
He opened his mouth to say these words, but Lin ChengYu stopped him. He kissed the corner of Jiang Xiao’s lips, and when he spoke, his tone was loving, but the meaning was obvious: “No, what I’m dealing with is really important. Be a good boy and behave.”
His arms were tenderly wrapped around Jiang Xiao’s waist, but his words were like a knife to the heart.
Jiang Xiao couldn’t speak.
His eyes at that moment were dull and unmoving, and there was a deathly, inexpressible pain in his heart.
He couldn’t count how many times he’d been disappointed or compromised. This was just another unsurprising disappointment. Maybe the first time it happened he would have argued, lost his temper, or begged, but it happened over and over, and Jiang Xiao had nothing to say.
He and Lin ChengYu had been together so long that he couldn’t say they’d never been happy. There were happy times, though they were few.
But Jiang Xiao clearly realized now that he had never been the most important thing in Lin ChengYu’s heart. Colleagues, work, important parties, whatever, Jiang Xiao always sat in the back row. Countless times he’d heard “no”, “next time”, “no time”, and “be good”. Then he tried to eke out a little joy and happiness from whatever time was left. How cheap. How laughable.
He wished Lin ChengYu had just refused him from the beginning. But Jiang Xiao had been tricked into persevering by that little bit of sweetness, thinking Lin ChengYu just didn’t like to express his feelings, that his personality was different. Finally the abyss was exposed, and all he felt was pain.
If love is never expressed or acted upon, it isn’t love at all. Lin ChengYu had never loved him.
Lin ChengYu didn’t notice Jiang Xiao’s expression. He drank some wine and hoped Jiang Xiao would be obedient, active, and enthusiastic as usual to please him.
The two had always been incredibly compatible in bed.
It was a bit strange today, probably because of the phone thing, but he wanted it to be like before. He used the same methods as always, pulling the dazed Jiang Xiao to him and lowering his head to feed him a mouthful of red wine.
The wine was very strong. Jiang Xiao was stunned, and after swallowing he remembered he couldn’t drink now, because it was harmful to his body.
“I don’t want to…”
Jiang Xiao refused. He really was sick today. He was hungry but he couldn’t force anything down, and his body had no strength.
But Lin ChengYu wanted to do it, and he never took Jiang Xiao’s opinions seriously. His coaxing was affectionate and tender, but the action wasn’t to be denied.
Neither of them slept that night. It was the most painful entanglement in Jiang Xiao’s life, both physically and mentally.
He had always been patient, thinking he could warm Lin ChengYu’s heart of ice. But after fifteen years, Lin ChengYu’s heart hadn’t warmed, and Jiang Xiao’s heart went cold. He felt like a prop. He’d devoted his life to Lin ChengYu, and now that he was used up, it was time to leave the scene.
The person he thought was the love of his life had never really loved him, and the marriage he wanted was a joke. It was nothing more than a dream he’d carried alone for fifteen years, and it was time for him to wake up. The despair in his life had accumulated bit by bit until it exploded in the last days of his life.
“… Did you ever love me?”
Jiang Xiao asked him during the process.
Maybe Lin ChengYu didn’t hear, maybe he wasn’t paying attention, or maybe he just didn’t want to answer. Jiang Xiao never got a reply.
In fact, Jiang Xiao realized that Lin ChengYu didn’t even know what love was. Jiang Xiao had given too much. Lin ChengYu enjoyed it and was used to it, but he wouldn’t actually fall in love with him for it.
Jiang Xiao’s gums began to ooze blood again.
The next day he watched Lin ChengYu pack his bags. He was terribly unwell and his entire body ached all over, but he was quiet and didn’t say anything.
While Lin ChengYu was packing, Jiang Xiao was lying on the bed with his eyes open. If anyone had looked at him, they’d be scared by how much he resembled a corpse.
Lin ChengYu finished packing and was ready to leave. He’d obviously done this kind of thing many times, leaving Jiang Xiao alone in the house. He never felt anything when he went away. As far as he was concerned, every time he left, this person would be there when he came back.
But this time seemed a little different. Lin ChengYu somehow felt a kind of unexplainable panic. He kept thinking that he was missing something, a kind of nebulous warning from the dark, like he’d forgotten to pack something, so he checked in his luggage repeatedly. He was always punctual but now he was running an hour late. The secretary kept urging him to come out or he wouldn’t catch the plane. Lin ChengYu opened the door of the house and prepared to leave.
As he reached for the doorknob, he saw Jiang Xiao in his pajamas. He stood there quietly with a reluctant smile, revealing those two familiar and very cute tiger teeth.
It was a light smile that didn’t reach the bottom of his eyes. If you looked closely, he seemed to be crying.
Then the door closed and Lin ChengYu stood in a daze for a while.
Jiang Xiao… He’d lost some weight, Lin ChengYu told himself. When I finish this job I’ll have time to accompany him.
Besides, Jiang Xiao was so well-behaved and sensible. He always understood.
With these thoughts in his mind, he followed the habit he always did and left without looking back.
When Jiang Xiao departed he didn’t take a heavy bag like Lin ChengYu. He took his bank card, ID, and mobile phone, put on an ordinary coat, and checked into Xingfushu Private Hospital.
When he left the “home” that he and Lin ChengYu had lived in for ten years, Jiang Xiao seemed to have cut something out of himself, like a piece of flesh was severed from his body.
Facts proved that the money he’d worked so hard to get was more reliable than Lin ChengYu. At least the high-cost Xingfushu Hospital did its best to ease his suffering and treated him with decency before he died. Later they’d collect his corpse and set up a tomb to complete the one-stop service.
Jiang Xiao’s condition deteriorated rapidly after he arrived. Dr. Liu said he didn’t have much will to live, as if he’d been exhausted to the core and simply given up.
When Jiang Xiao came to the hospital, he received a lot of care, but his condition got worse. His cell phone number didn’t change, and his phone was always on, but if he didn’t call, Lin ChengYu wouldn’t take the initiative to call him, and it was the same now.
He’d always been aloof, waiting for people to offer up their hearts to him.
Maybe people really do have a sixth sense. One day, Jiang Xiao really felt extremely ill. His brain was in chaos at that moment, not controlled by reason. Dr. Liu and a bunch of nurses surrounded him, getting all kinds of instruments and tubes into him, and Jiang Xiao in a state of confusion begged her to make a call.
Dr. Liu couldn’t refuse him, so she gave him the phone.
She watched as Jiang Xiao gripped the phone with shaking hands, trying to keep his blurring eyes wide open until he found the person’s name on the screen.
According to the time difference, it should be late at night. The phone rang for a long time and no one answered. Jiang Xiao continued to call, and finally someone picked up.
It was a sweet, girlish voice that asked, “Who is this?”
Jiang Xiao didn’t get a chance to speak. He was struck dumb, and all he could do was listen. When the voice asked a few more times and got no response, the other side hung up.
After that phone call, the little remaining warmth in the ashes of his heart was quenched.
There was no need to see him. Jiang Xiao threw the phone away and never called again.
At the very end, with the final bit of reason that remained to him, Dr. Liu sat at his bedside and asked what he wanted carved on his tombstone.
Jiang Xiao’s parents were long gone, and so was his so-called lover. His friends would respect his choice and let him write his own epitaph. Many people’s epitaphs talked about their life and achievements. Jiang Xiao didn’t want anything in particular, but when she asked, he couldn’t help but think of his feelings when he first entered the Xingfushu Private Hospital.
Dr. Liu had seen this man in his most painful moments, but she also saw him smile just before he died, his eyebrows lifted in an arch, revealing two sharp little tiger teeth. Just like when they first met, you couldn’t help but feel good when you were with him.
In the end, he was buried in a peaceful cemetery surrounded by beautiful scenery. The location Jiang Xiao chose was in the corner, alone but also very quiet, in line with his preferences. The rest of his money was donated. On the tombstone were written eight words—Thank You For Visiting And Come Back Soon.
The photo on the monument was chosen by Jiang Xiao himself. It was from when he was young, probably in his early twenties. His smile was as brilliant as a daffodil, as if there’d never been any sorrow in his life.
Jiang Xiao also liked to laugh when he was in the hospital. He always had a good temper, but when she looked at that photo she thought his later smile was reluctant, strained, and not as pure.
I wonder what made him like this.
Dr. Liu brought a small bouquet of daisies and placed them in front of his grave. She’d seen a lot of patients. She had a vague idea of Jiang Xiao’s story, but she didn’t dare to think too deeply about it.
Many people became vicious before they died, especially people in their thirties who were in their prime of life, and it was normal to be unwilling. But Jiang Xiao was too tranquil. It was like he’d been disappointed too much, so he was calm about everything.
If there really is an afterlife, I hope he has a better life.
TL Notes:
This is a teaser. While I love how this story begins, I don’t love the rest of the novel enough to translate all 190 chapters (sorry!). I’ll do a few more chapters so you can get a taste. If anyone else would like to take over this series, please tell me and I’ll link to you. <3
Additional notes:
Regarding the brief dubcon in this chapter, I’ve read the rest of the story and as far as I remember, this is the only incident of dubcon (etc.) in the book. So if that’s an issue for you, don’t feel worried that it will recur or that the gong won’t pay a price.
The author uses line and paragraph breaks in mysterious and possibly random ways. I took the liberty of making the paragraph spacing consistent. I don’t know if it’s correct, but it’s easier to work with.
“the man who’d break his heart again and again ” – 冤家 – enemy, foe, sweetheart, one’s destined love, a person who seems to be hated but is actually loved, a person who causes pain but cannot be abandoned
“commanding the wind and rain” – 呼风唤雨 – summon the wind and call the rain – wield total control, call the shots, make waves, wield great power
“document folder” – 文件袋 – document bag, document pouch, file holder, manila envelope
“develop an attitude” – 阴阳怪气 – yin and yang peculiar – weird, mystifying, deliberately ambiguous, dripping acid, with sarcasm
“riding high” – 春风得意 – the spring breeze had obtained its wish – attained a success and be well-contented, ride on the crest of success, extremely proud of success
Transliterated names, titles, and places—new in this chapter:
Jiang Xiao – 姜宵 – Our MC
Dr. Liu – 柳医生 – Liǔ Yīshēng
President Jiang – 姜总 – Jiāng Zǒng – Alternatively: Mr. Jiang, Chief Jiang
Boss Su – 苏老板 – Sū Lǎobǎn. Alternatively: Mr. Su, Proprietor Su
Sister Chen – 陈姐 – Chén Jiě. Alternatively: Ms. Chen
Accountant Chen – 会计陈姐 – Alternatively: Accountant Sister Chen, Ms. Chen
Lin ChengYu – 蔺成聿 – Our ML
Xiao Lin – 小蔺 – ML’s nickname
XiaoXiao – 宵宵 – MC’s nickname
Secretary Lin – 林秘书 – ML’s secretary. They have different surnames.
Xingfushu Private Hospital – 幸福树私人医院 – Alternatively: Happy Trees Private Hospital
Liujiang Industrial Park – 柳江工业园
Liujiang City – 柳江市
Binhai City – 滨海市
minor copyediting, 09-2021
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