Chapter 37: He Felt Like He was Going Crazy
Listening to Lin Xiqian tell a few jokes, Lin Xiyu’s mood slowly changed for the better. She unintentionally turned her head and saw the father and son standing outside the window.
She almost didn’t recognize them at first glance, because the father and son were wearing the same shape of the duck-tongue hat. Lu Junting dressed casually today, the duck-tongue hat and his clothes also match very well, but it didn’t match his temperament.
Naturally, Little Baby also saw his mother, and his little body shook with joy, jumping in his father’s arms and calling out, “Mom, mom, mom.”
Lin Xiyu hurriedly put down her chopsticks and walked out. As soon as he saw his mother come out, he stretched out his hand to hug, half of his body leaned out of his father’s arms. Lin Xiyu was startled, afraid that he would fall, and hurriedly walked over to pick him.
She hadn’t seen him for many days, and she really missed him. SHe hugged his soft body tightly, smelling his milk scent, and rubbing his little fleshy face.
“Little Baby, Little Baby, did you miss your mommy?”
“En, mom, en, mom.”
As if to say, en, yes, missing mommy.
Lin Xiyu only felt that the tip of her nose was sour, but she didn’t want to cry in front of Little Baby. She rubbed her Little Baby’s hat crookedly, hurriedly helped him straighten, and said with a smile, “Little Baby is wearing a new hat? Do you like it?”
As if he had thought of something, he leaned out from his mother’s arms and pointed to his father’s hand. Lin Xiyu looked over, and Lu Junting was still holding a hat in his hand.
Lu Junting handed her the hat and said, “Little Baby picked it out.”
Lin Xiyu also saw that it was a parent-child hat. She glanced at the top of his head, and this hat did not match his temperament at all, even if he dressed casually, his temperament also gave people a sense of rigor. This hat was very hip-hop, wearing it on his head was a little funny, and she didn’t know why he was willing to wear such a hat.
Lin Xiyu didn’t take it, she coaxed Little Baby and said, “Mom doesn’t wear it, Little Baby can wear it. The hat that Little Baby picked by himself is very good-looking!” She kissed him on the cheek and said, “My baby has a good eye.”
He giggled at her kiss and forgot to let her wear a hat.
The hand that Lu Junting handed out stopped in mid-air, as if it was frozen, and only after a while did it slowly retract.
She didn’t even want to wear the hat picked by the child, because this was a parent-child hat. A parent-child hat for a family of three, he and the child wore it, just waiting for her to wear this too, so that they looked more like a family of three. She was not willing to form a family of three with him.
Two gardenias were planted in front of the restaurant, and a gust of wind blew and brought a faint fragrance. This fragrance seemed to be imprinted in his memory at a moment, together with this moment made his heart slice with a knife. For a long time in the future, whenever he smelled the smell of gardenias, the pain engraved in the memory would emerge, even if nothing happened, but it still made him feel a pain in his heart.
She really didn’t love him ah, even if she had been with him for so long, even if she gave birth to his child, she didn’t love him.
Lin Xiyu teased the child for a while before asking him, “What are you doing here with Little Baby?”
Lu Junting gradually came back from that pain, and said, “The child misses you and wants to have a meal with you.”
Lin Xiyu didn’t want to eat with Lu Junting, and with this time, he would come to her in the future with the same excuse of bringing Little Baby. She just wanted to divorce him now.
“When I get divorced later, I will eat with him when I visit him on a normal basis.”
She only said that she wanted to eat with Little Baby, but did not say that she wanted to be with him.
She looked cold, deliberately keeping a sense of distance from him. He remembered before, whenever she saw him, she would be a little shy to greet him. If he kept staring at her, she would be embarrassed to lower her head. Although she was wary of him, she was never so cold, as if she didn’t even want to say more to him.
She was obviously so soft, but she showed him the hardest thorn, but blame him, this thorn was also picked by his own hands. However, if he didn’t do that, if he didn’t find a way to get her to keep the baby, then they would never have any connection again in this life.
She didn’t like him, it was useless for him to do anything. If he wanted to get her, he had to take her by force, and before that he would have everything ready. A house far away that no one would know about abroad, her fake death certificate, but he still didn’t do that. He didn’t want her to hate him, he didn’t want to get just a shell.
But after such a big circle, she still hated him. What she didn’t like, after all, she didn’t like it, no matter how hard he tried, she didn’t like it.
Lu Junting went out with the nanny. Lin Xiyu hugged for a while and then handed the child to the nanny, instructing, “Take good care of him, the things outside are not clean, don’t give him food.”
After she finished speaking, she said to Lu Junting, “I will draw up the divorce agreement, and we will sign it when you are free.”
She really just told him this word of divorce, did she want to leave him so much?
The smell of gardenia gradually became stronger, making him feel like he couldn’t breathe. He had never found the smell of gardenia so offensive.
“It’s fine if you want me to sigh, but you have to promise me one condition.”
“What condition?”
“After a divorce, you should never see your child.”
Lin Xiyu was stunned by these words. After a short period of shock, a wave of anger quickly rushed up. She stared at Lu Junting, and her hands subconsciously tightened, “How can you do this? Even if I get divorced, I still have visitation rights to my child.”
“This is my condition, if you want to agree on a divorce, you should not see your child. Or you will go to the court to sue for divorce, but I have not committed any mistakes, and it’s not easy for you to sue for divorce.”
“Think about it yourself.”
Lu Junting dropped this sentence and took the child to get in the car and leave. Lin Xiyu looked at the car and walked away, and she was so angry that she wanted to curse. She felt that her former self was simply brain-dead, why did she think that Lu Junting was a good person! Why was she deceived by him like a fool?!
How could he make such a request, how could he be such a bastard!
Lu Junting looked at the little girl from the rearview mirror, even if it was far away, he could feel the anger on her body. Little Baby and his mother separated, and began to make trouble. The nanny hurriedly coaxed him, and the car was noisy, but his heart was particularly cold, so cold that it made him feel a sense of hollowness, a terrible sense of hollowness, as if he couldn’t fill it all.
Why did they get to this point? Such an ugly point?
But he had no other way, the child was the only condition she could compromise, and he could only do this.
Lin Xiqian came out of the restaurant to hold Lin Xiyu’s shoulder, afraid that she would accidentally fall. He asked, “What’s going on? What did he tell you?”
Lin Xiyu closed her eyes to calm her anger. “He told me never to see the child. I really didn’t expect him to be so excessive.”
Lin Xiqian said, “The child is the only thing he can hold you, of course he wants to make good use of it. You think about it first, no need to make a decision in such a hurry. Make a decision when you think clearly about what you want.”
Lin Xiyu had been absent-minded these two days. She didn’t want to give up the child, but she didn’t want to compromise with Lu Junting. Every time she came home, she would always flip through the photos of her Little Baby on her mobile phone. She couldn’t help but cry as she flipped through them, especially thinking that she might never see him again.
What should she do now, if she didn’t divorce, then she would always be Lu Junting’s wife, and she couldn’t get rid of the relationship with him for the rest of her life, but if she divorced, she and her child would be separated forever.
She remembered that Lin Xiqian had told her that Lu Junting was a very powerful person and knew how to hold her, but at that time she didn’t think so, she felt that Lu Junting was not so bad.
But now that she had experienced this, she was passively caught in a dilemma, and she knew that she had never really understood Lu Junting. This person was far more terrifying than she realized.
Lu Junting had not had a good time these two days, often distracted when working, even if he constantly forced himself to be busy, but once there was a gap in his mind, he would think of her, thinking of her coldness and her abomination.
He moved his son’s small bed into his room, and his room was also padded with cushions for his son to crawl around. This child was the only connection between him and her, he couldn’t let him have any mistakes. He even asked the nanny to bring Little Baby to the company. His company was wide, he removed some equipment, laid cushions on it, and put a protective fence around it for his son to play in.
In the evening, his son was playing with his small toys in the room, and he sat on the sofa reading documents, but he wasn’t paying attention and often wandered off.
He hadn’t slept well in the past few days, he always felt in a trance, always felt that she was still by his side and he could see her when he raised his eyes, but when he really looked over, there was no her.
The phone rang at this time, he swept a glance at the caller ID. As if the call would disappear if he answered a step slowly, he hurriedly pressed connect, but held his breath again before speaking.
“Hello?”
“It’s me.”
Her familiar voice sounded over the other end.
He tried to keep his tone as calm as possible, “I know it’s you, what’s the matter?”
“I agree with you, I agree with all your conditions, as long as you can agree to divorce.”
For so many days, this was the only call she made to him—— A phone call, but he didn’t expect her to call for this matter, or he never thought that she could really divorce him and never see the child. He knew how much she liked the child, in order to stay with the child, even if she didn’t like him, she was willing to sleep with him.
His fingers holding the phone tightened, and a red glow spread over his eyes a little. He wanted to calm himself, wanted to restrain himself, but the words that came out were still trembling with anger, “You hate me so much? Would you rather never see your children to divorce me?”
“You don’t have to use Little Baby to coerce me, as I said, before being a Little Baby’s mother, I’m myself first.”
He was silent, or maybe he was already unable to say a word.
“I have agreed to all the conditions you want, when is the divorce?”
He couldn’t listen to it anymore and hung up the phone abruptly. He didn’t expect her to agree, she actually agreed. She just wanted to get rid of the relationship with him? Not even wanted the child, that’s her favorite child ah!
He was completely stunned, he didn’t know what to do.
In his life, he was used to calculating, he calculated a lot of things, but the only thing he didn’t calculate was that she would really divorce him in spite of everything.
After Lin Xiyu made that call, Lu Junting never replied to her, and when she called him, he didn’t answer, so she texted him to ask him.
Lu Junting didn’t want to answer her call, or he didn’t dare. He didn’t want to hear those words he didn’t want to hear, but her text messages still came one by one.
“I have agreed to your conditions, why haven't we divorced yet?”
“My divorce agreement is out, when you are free I will come to you to sign it.”
“What else do you want, I agreed to you not to see Little Baby.”
Lu Junting didn’t reply to a single one, he went to work as usual, left work, and went home to deal with official business. He took his son with him every day.
When he was dealing with official business, his son crawled around on the ground to play. He was not the kind of noisy child, as long as he was full of food and drink, and had a toy, he could play all day.
He kept himself busy, afraid that if he accidentally fell into that empty state, he would easily be taken into the abyss and sink in pain, which was too hard to bear.
“Dad.”
Just as he lowered his head to sign, he suddenly heard a sound from Little Baby. Lu Junting suspected that he had heard wrong, and he looked at his son in disbelief.
“You… what did you just call?”
Little Baby held an inflatable small hammer in his hand, the small hamer could smash the inflatable button. He seemed to just unconsciously call, and when asked by his father, his little face was still a little dazed.
But Lu Junting just heard it, he put down his pen and walked over, he squatted next to his son, both excited and joyful. “What did you just call? Call out one more time.”
Little Baby stared at his father with confused eyes, and then the little hammer waved, and called again, “Dad.”
He called clearly, he heard him, he was really calling him.
He had taught him for a long time before, but every time he saw him, he was still called ‘wawa’.
“Dad.” He called him so clearly that his son would call him dad.
Lu Junting couldn’t help but pick his son up, he rubbed his little head. The joy of being a father made him excited, he kissed his face all at once, “Good son, my good son.”
Little Baby was kissed by his father, a little disgusted. The back of the fleshy hand subconsciously wiped the place where he had been kissed. Lu Junting was not angry, he was eager to share his joy with others, he took out his mobile phone to send a message to Lin Xiyu.
“Do you know? Your son just called me dad.”
Lin Xiyu stared at it for a long time after receiving this text message. She covered her mouth, and almost didn’t cry out. Little Baby would say one more word, he was slowly growing up, and she could no longer witness his growth in the future.
She closed her eyes and calmed her emotions for a long time, and only then did she reply to Lu Junting.
Lu Junting had been waiting after he finished sending. He waited for her there to be as excited as him, even if she hated him, but Little Baby was a child of the two people. Little Baby would call Dad, she should be happy.
“When exactly are you getting a divorce?”
He looked at these cold words, and the joy and excitement disappeared in an instant. She no longer wanted to share the joy with him, and the only thing she wanted him to do now was divorce.
But he really, really didn’t want a divorce ah.
Lin Xiyu didn’t expect Madam Lu to come to her so early. Madam Lu was accompanied by Lu Yuan, and the two were waiting at the door of the club.
“Xixi ah, I heard that you and Junting are having a divorce, what’s going on?” Old Madam Lu was full of sadness. “Is it because of Junting scandal a few days ago? I asked him to make people check it, that is, that little star was deliberately hyped. Junting has already given her a lesson.”
“Grandma, there is a problem between me and brother Junting, and it has nothing to do with anyone.”
“What’s the matter? Did Junting do something wrong to you? You tell your grandma, and she will help you get justice.”
“Things between me and him can’t be solved by anyone.”
Old Madam Lu was originally not in good health, and she was angry when she heard that Lu Junting and Lin Xiyu were going to divorce. When she heard this, she coughed a few times, Lu Yuan helped her smooth her back, Lin Xiyu was also very guilty about this. The old elder of the Lu Family treated her very well.
“Grandma, you are not well, don’t blow the cold wind here, go back first.”
Old Madam Lu slowed down for a while, she held Lin Xiyu’s hand, “Xixi, I don’t know what is going on between you and Junting. If Junting did something sorry for you, grandma apologizes to you, I didn’t teach my grandson well. Divorce is not a trivial matter, not to mention that you still have a child. Cheng Ping is still so young, if Junting is not so unforgivable, can you not divorce him for the sake of the child.”
Her grandson finally got married and had a child, and she was happy for him, who knew that the happy days did not last a few days and the two wanted a divorce.
Lin Xiyu didn’t know what to say, she held Old Madam Lu’s hand. After a long time, she only whispered, “Sorry grandma.”
Seeing her like this, Old Madam Lu knew it was not possible. She was not an unreasonable person, but she was really satisfied with this granddaughter-in-law, and felt happy with her and Lu Junting’s marriage. She felt sorry that the two were really divorced.
Old Madam Lu sighed heavily, “Forget it. You young people have your own ideas, and the words that grandma bought to persuade you have been said, and it’s you who live your life.”
After Old Madam Lu finished speaking, she asked Lu Yuan to help her back to the car. Lu Yuan helped Old Madam Lu into the car and went back, she asked Lin Xiyu, “What is going on between you and my eldest brother? Why divorce? What about Xiao Chengmao?”
Lin Xiyu didn’t want to say so much, only said, “There are many problems between me and him.”
Lu Yuan sighed and said, “I know that you have your own reasons for making decisions. I won’t ask more if you don’t say it, but you have to remember that my family will always be your natal’s family. My parents and I are also your family, and we will always be behind you to be your backing.”
The sun had risen, warm light scattered on the earth, the sky was shining with golden light. Hearing Lu Yuan’s words, Lin Xiyu felt that the sun had not yet shone on her, and a warmth had been born in her heart.
She hugged Lu Yuan and said to her sincerely, “Lu Yuan, thank you.”
No matter how out of character this girl was sometimes, she would always be her best friend and would not hesitate to stand up for her when she was in trouble.
The leisure area in Lu Junting’s office was modified by him, and a piece was fenced with cushions so that Chengmao could play in it.
When he was at work, he brought Chengmao with him. Chengmao was not a crybaby, nor did he bother him. When he was dealing with business, he would occasionally glance at him, and he would see the little meatball sitting on a cushion, and the little hands of meat were clumsily assembling toys. While assembling, he talked to himself, and occasionally he had to match the expression, such as wrinkling his small brows and talking angrily. He didn’t know if he blamed himself for always not assembling well.
Looking at this scene, a familiar memory in his mind suddenly crashed into his mind. He remembered that when he was a child, he also liked to play alone, a person talking to himself, not crying or making trouble, and he could play all day when having a toy.
Unexpectedly, the same was true of his son.
There was a strong sense of sourness that suddenly struck, as if nothing had changed, as if fate had long been preordained, generation to generation. His childhood was miserable, and his child’s childhood was destined to be as miserable as his.
He had never been a person who believed in fate. Fate was just an excuse for the weak to find for themselves, he didn’t believe in heaven, did not believe in ghosts and gods, only believed in himself. But now, looking at the child who was playing with toys and talking to himself, he suddenly had a huge sense of powerlessness, which stirred his heart, and a sharp pain struck him at once.
He wondered if the little one realized he was looking at him, he looked up at him and met his gaze, but the little one smiled happily at him. He knew nothing, he was innocent and happy, no sadness, he didn’t understand anything. He shook the toy in his hand at him, smiling with his eyes lit up.
That pain was melted away in such a smile, and the smile of the little kid who used to be like this. She used to smile at him like this, she helped him heal his wounds a little, she gave him a child that also smiled at him like this.
It was different, everything would be different, his children would not be as miserable as he was.
Lu Junting put down the things in his hand and walked over to the child. He went to him and squatted down. The child handed him the toy he had assembled. It was a very small, very small caterpillar toy, but he had assembled it wrong and put the head on the body. Lu Junting took it, rubbed his head and said, “Little Baby is great.”
The praised little one laughed even more happily, giggling, and the empty office was filled with his laughter. He didn’t know what the little one suddenly thought, pointed to the toy and said, “Mom.”
Lu Junting guessed his meaning and asked him, “Do you want to give this to your mom?”
The little one nodded and said again, “Mom.”
After Lin Xiyu saw a familiar car parked in front of the club after work, she recognized it as Lu Junting’s car, so Lin Xiyu didn’t care. It was about ten minutes from the club to where she lived now, and Lu Junting’s car followed behind her, not fast, keeping a certain distance, until she reached the gate of the community, the car accelerated and stopped next to her.
The car door opened, and she saw Lu Junting sitting on the back seat, and Little Baby sitting next to him in the child seat. As soon as he saw her, he called her with his little hand, “Mom, mom, mom.”
Almost instinctively, Lin Xiyu went around to the other side, opened the car door, and picked up Little Baby. She hugged him tightly, and sniffed his body deeply.
“Good baby, Little Baby, mommy’s baby.”
Little Baby handed the toy he brought to her, Lin Xiyu was stunned when she saw this. A toy caterpillar that was assembled messily. Lin Xiyu asked him with a puzzled look, “Is it for mommy?”
The little one nodded, and Lin Xiyu took the toy caterpillar and asked him, “Did Little Baby make this himself?”
Little Baby didn’t answer, giggled, Lin Xiyu kissed him on the head, and praised him with a smile, “Little Baby is awesome.”
Lu Junting stood on the side and watched this scene. She didn’t change much with the child, there was still warmth between her and the child, but when her gaze fell on him, her smiling expression gradually went cold.
She asked him, “Are you looking for me for a divorce?”
As soon as she spoke to him, she asked about the divorce, was there nothing else they could talk about except divorce? His heart was pierced with a sharp pain, it took him a while before he could speak normally.
“The child needs you, coma back with me.”
Lin Xiyu understood that he did not come to discuss divorce with her. Old Madam Lu came in the morning and in the afternoon he brought the child over. In order not to divorce her, he sent the whole family out.
But Lin Xiyu didn’t understand, was this necessary?
Lin Xiyu gave Little Baby a kiss on the cheek, and she put him back in his seat and helped him fasten his seat belt. She rubbed his face reluctantly. Only then did he close the car door again, and Lin Xiyu said to him, “I’m going to get to the point, don’t do this anymore, it’s not necessary.”
After she said that, she turned and walked towards the gate of the community, and suddenly there was a sound of hurried footsteps behind her, and then a pair of arms suddenly came from behind and hugged her.
“Xixi, don’t go.”
She heard his hoarse voice speaking to her.
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