The peaceful and calm atmosphere of the house and well-tended garden vanished into thin air when we stepped outside again. Elizabeth was kind enough to walk us to the door and I had to say that she played the role of the host perfectly.
“I look forward to hearing your positive answer. Of course, if you need my help about anything, please let me know. Thank you again for coming to see me here,” she said before smiling brightly at us.
I was too lost in my own worries and confusion to even offer her a reply or a polite smile. Instead, the corners of my lips just twitched awkwardly. Thankfully, Ace stepped in to save the day.
“Thank you for having us over. We’ll get back to you with our decision. Until then, please take care of yourself and make sure that you get enough sleep,” he said calmly.
My body felt stiff as I stood frozen on the spot next to Ace. I could feel Elizabeth’s gaze shifting from Ace to me, but I couldn’t quite meet her eyes.
“Take care of her. I think she’s super shocked, which I guess is to be expected,” Elizabeth said while sounding very cheerful.
“We should be going,” Ace said as he tugged softly on my hand.
My mind was in a daze and Ace had to pull on my arm to get me to get moving. I followed him in silence back to the car. Our eyes met when he opened the car door for me, and a sense of regret filled my chest when I saw the evident worry in the depth of Ace’s hazel brown eyes.
I’m making him worry about me again…
“I’m fine…” I said reflexively without thinking.
“You’re such a bad liar…” he muttered softly before nudging me to urge me to get into the car.
The ride back to my place happened in complete silence. For once, I appreciated the silence in the car. Ace didn’t make an effort to strike up a conversation and it was like he knew that I needed some peace and quiet to deal with my own tangled thoughts. Just watching the scenery pass by in silence helped my mind to focus. However, just being focused didn’t help me get to the bottom of my feelings or reach the logical conclusion of what I should decide as our next move.
Do we go ahead with Elizabeth’s proposal or do we not?
That question swam and danced in my mind until we reached my apartment. They say that time tends to fly by when you’re having fun, I felt like the same could be said when I’m stressed and wrecking my brain for answers. The next thing I knew, we had already arrived, and Ace was parking the car at my place.
“Rina…” he called my name softly.
I snapped out of my thoughts as I rapidly blinked my eyes. Looking out of the car window, I could see the familiar view of my apartment building. Ace got out of the car and came to my side to open the door for me. When I looked up into his face, I could see the worry that he felt, and it was undoubtedly because of me.
“Thank you…” I thanked him when he offered me his hand.
The walk to our room happened in silence but I could feel that Ace had something that he wanted to say. It wasn’t so like him to hesitate, but I guessed that the situation was difficult for all of us but just in different ways.
“You know, you don’t have to force yourself to decide about this…” he said comfortingly.
His change in attitude made me even more worried about him. Although it was messy, I knew that at the end of the day, we were just worried about each other, and the loop of worries was just endless. I felt so drained of energy as I lowered myself onto my bed. Ace immediately came to sit next to me, but he didn’t say anything more. It was Ace that said that I should be the one to decide but now he seems to have changed his mind and it was all because he thought that it was too much for me to take.
Unfortunately, he wasn’t completely wrong about that. I honestly felt that it was too much for me to take and the decision was just too pivotal for me to be responsible for. However, the dissatisfied feeling that bloomed in my chest made me feel too stubborn to give up without a fight. If I had to back down then, at least, I wanted to know why Ace thought that I should be the one to decide.
“I’ll force myself, you know, if it’s worth it…” I said after turning to face him.
My words seemed to surprise Ace as he stared back at me with slightly widened eyes. We just stared wordlessly into each other’s eyes for what must have been just a few seconds, but it surely felt longer to me.
“What do you mean?” Ace asked with interest.
“I mean, if you really think that I should decide this then…I guess, I can give it a try…” I replied.
“If you think that you need to do this because I told you to, then you can forget it. We’ll find another way,” Ace said before showing me a smile that I knew was meant purely to comfort me.
After spending time with him, I had to give myself some credit for being able to tell his genuine smile apart from the smile that he put on for his various roles or for the sake of others. It always pained me slightly when he put me first and did things for my sake at the expense of his own. I knew well enough that if I wasn’t there by his side, Ace wouldn’t need to force himself to smile like that.
“Before that, can you please tell me the reason why you said that I should be the one to decide?” I asked as I stared deeply into his eyes.
--To be continued…
