Chapter 356 What Are You So Sad About?
"Come closer. Look at his face. What do you think?"
The white-scaled Monster slowly walked towards the edge of the hospital bed, joining the child's side.
In front of the two, a dazed face on a skinny and withering Mark.
"Look at him. Look at him for real." The boy said as he pulled on the Monster's arm, requesting it to kneel in front of the bed. "You need to remember. You need to understand. Look at that face. Look into those eyes. Don't just remember the past and the facts. Remember the feelings. Remember how it felt like. This isn't some stranger you should pity. It's yourself."
"I'm trying." The white-scaled Monster stared into the empty eyes.
"I wanted to get better. It got worse. It was my fault."
Nod-
"I never told Mom and Dad. I wanted to. I never did. Time passed while I debated it internally. And then... I just kept the secret."
Nod-
"The hospital bills weren't easy to cover. Dad had to work a lot more. Mom had to start working again. She had stopped after giving birth to me, see. Mom had to start working again, Dad had to work more. That was my fault too."
Nod-
"When they wouldn't come to see me even though they promised that they would, Mina would tell me that it was because they were working. I was still mad at them. They were working for me. I was mad at them. I started refusing to see them, giving the excuse that I was too tired. I would lash out at Mina."
Nod-
"All I had was that rectangle. The people playing outside, usually my age. I would watch them play whenever I could. I loved watching them. I kept hope that, one day, I would play with them. In a way, they saved me... Until I started hating them. Weeks passed by. The same people played. Months passed by. The same people. I grew bored, but I kept watching. I hated them. Unlike me, they could run. Unlike me, they had a good heart. A strong heart. How come they weren't getting any better? How come they remained the same? Even though they could play, even though they could train? I hated them. They sucked. It didn't take long for me to start guessing their actions and whether or not they would succeed in getting to the goal. I hated them. They never tried to get better. They never tried to Evolve. They just remained the same. It disgusted me. Still, I watched them. Because there was nothing else for me."
The white-scaled Monster felt a shiver.
"Are you going to become like them? You have so much potential. Will you let all of it die? I'm sure they were comfortable playing that way, remaining the same. They probably had school, a family, friends... Many things other than playing football there. They were comfortable. Are you comfortable? Will you let it all go to waste? Will you stay with Elisa, cozy up in the Elven Forest, and let your potential rot? You want to. I know you do. But you can't. You won't let yourself do so. It was fun while it lasted. A nice break. A pleasant dream. But it's over now. You left her. It couldn't have gone any other way. That's what makes you the -Evolving Monster-. I just told you about me lashing out at Mina. I remember one particular instance. I was watching Tv. The news covered a suicide attempt. A man was standing at the edge of a building's roof. Can you remember that? For a second, you would have been fine letting Ani kill you. I can't have that. I won't accept it. It was just a man standing on a roof. A random person. But it hurt me. It pained me to see it. Tell me, Monster. Are you the same as that man? Will you do the same as him? Will you throw away everything that I've longed for? Everything that I've dreamed of having for so long? Mina entered the room, only to notice that I had already seen it. Lashing out or an argument? I can't tell. She said it wasn't that simple. I disagree. His heart was still beating. His legs could get him anywhere. His lungs were strong. Ending it that way is too pathetic. But... Maybe that's just because I didn't have those things. The things that most take for granted. When worst comes to worst, you can always run away, right?"
"It's not... That simple."
"You've become like Mina. You refuse to accept yourself. Look. Look at his face. That's you. Accept it. Mom and Dad didn't leave me. But I wanted them to. They came to see me, but I wish they didn't. I wanted them to leave me. I wanted them to go away... No, I wanted to go away. I wanted to leave them. Because of me, they had to work so much. Because of me, their health was deteriorating. Because of me... While I uselessly stayed in that hospital bed, they were fighting for me. I hated them having them fight for me. I'm not worth being fought for. It was my fault, but I never told them. I let them keep going. I hoped that they would forget about me. They didn't. I hoped that they would give up on me. They didn't. Mina was even more annoying in that way. I wanted to leave them. All of them. I was a dead weight. I was only making their lives worse... I wanted them to leave. I wanted to leave. No. I didn't want to die. I wanted... I wanted them to forget about me."
Shudder-
"Look." The child pointed. "Oh, passed out. I really trained a lot, didn't I?"
"You did..."
"Look! This one is important! Oh, fell to the ground again. But look, eyes are open! Sitting up! Huh?"
"Why...?"
"Can't you guess? Sitting up but keeping the legs straight. Punching down on one's thighs. What do you think?"
"Can't... Stand up."
"That's right! This was the first time my legs refused to listen to me. Funny, isn't it? I'm whispering to them -Why won't you listen to me?- Hahaha! I passed out and passed out. But I refused to listen to my parents, to the doctors, to my body. It's been screaming at me this whole time -Stop! This is too much! This isn't helping! You're just...- But I didn't care. I didn't listen to my body. So it had to find a new way to get my attention, which was not listening to me in return! Haha!"
"That's-"
"Look! He's waking up!" The two turned back towards the hospital bed in front of them.
On it and hidden under the blankets...
"He's awake?" The white-scaled Monster asked.n((0velbIn
"Yeah. Look, he's opening his eyes. Can you guess what he's thinking?"
"This is... When I had trouble standing."
"Mm." The boy nodded. "Standing, walking, moving my legs, even moving my arms sometimes. Even sitting up was a challenge."
"Why... Did he close his eyes right away?"
"Going back to sleep."
"Why?"
"Why...? Mm... I guess you still don't remember. Do you know what it's like waking up, wondering whether you'll be able to walk today? Wondering whether you'll be able to stand today? Whether you'll be able to move your legs? Whether you'll be able to raise your arms? Whether or not you'll have the strength to rub your sleepy eyes with your hands? Simple things. Impossible tasks depending on the day. Everyday. Everyday. Everyday! Waking up wondering whether or not I'll have the strength to do such simple tasks! Things that most don't even think about! Things they they take for granted! Do you know what that's like, when what everyone takes for granted is a challenge for you? Or even worse, a highlight of the week. I was able to walk thirty steps on Saturday! Isn't that great?! Progress, right?! The uncertainty, the fear, the anxiety... I went to sleep every night thinking about the next day. About whether it'll be worse than today, the same, or a tiny bit better. And many times, I would be disappointed. Feeling paralyzed, unable to rub my tired eyes. Disappointed... Disappointed... At one point, I didn't fear being unable to move as much. I started fearing the disappointment. I was scared of that feeling. The feeling I get when I'm unable to move my arm. When I think that I can move it, try, and learn that I actually can't. I was scared of that more than anything. That's why there were times when I simply didn't try. I would wake up, ask myself that question, fear the answer, and go back to sleep. I feared the answer more than the consequence. I feared the disappointment more than the reality."
Shudder-
"I stopped looking for the answers. I would close my eyes instead, and go back to sleep. I didn't want to die. But there were days when I wanted to simply be forgotten... And to disappear."
The child turned his gaze towards the shuddering white-scaled Monster.
"What do you think?"
The Monster kept staring at the sleeping Mark on the hospital bed.
The next second,
"I won't let you."
"Let go." The white-scaled Monster ordered.
"I won't let you look away." The child said with a sadistic smile on his face. He held the Monster's head with his hands, keeping the Monster from turning its gaze away.
"I don't want to look anymore!"
"Why not?"
"Because I... Because..."
The white-scaled Monster's trembling hand slowly moved towards its face.
"Because what? What?? Say it!!"
"Because..." The Monster's hand covered its mouth. "It's so... It's so..."
"Say it! It's so what?" The boy pressed, the sadistic smile on his face becoming wider.
The Monster fought back with all it had but,
"PFFT! Look at his face! It's so... So pathetic!"
"HA! I know right??"
"Pfahahaha! What are you so sad about? It's all your fault!"
"That's what I'm sayiiing!!"
The white-scaled Monster and the boy laughed out loud as they pointed at the one hiding below the blankets.
