“…What?”
“This, w-will… help you.”
Carynne looked down at the dizzying height below her. It’s not as if she heard him wrong. Time to die. Jump right over and die. That’s what Dullan’s saying right now.
As Carynne hesitated, Dullan urged her once more.
“A-A-Are you a-afraid of dying?”
“…No, it’s not that.”
She shook her head.
“I mean, it really isn’t that… Today isn’t the day I’m supposed to die. Dullan, it’s not today.”
Everything just kept happening so quickly in this iteration. Was it due to the deviation in Carynne’s actions? Or was it, as he said, because Dullan was estimating the time? But Carynne could not imagine herself falling all… the way down there.
“I’m not going to die. I’ve fallen from a similar height before, and I didn’t die.”
Carynne recalled the terrible pain. She recalled the pain of every single bone in her body being crushed. She had fallen from a similar height. She knew that the outcome would be the same.
Just as she didn’t die back then, so too would she not die right now. It’s not her designated time to die. Even if her limbs were to be twisted, even if all the bones in her body were shattered—it was impossible for her to die before that day.
“It’s not today.”
“…I-It will be different this time.”
THUD!
He’s close. Carynne turned her head. He’s coming.
“Why can’t I open this door right now?!”
SLAM!
She heard Verdic’s shouts. He was pounding at the door with his fists. Carynne felt a strong sense of déjà vu from hearing that man’s voice.
So many variables differed in this loop, yet the ending was, without fail, still Verdic. This time again. This time again.
“But…”
“CARYNNE!”
Then, she heard another voice. It was Raymond. Before she knew it, he was already near her. He gestured for Carynne to stay as her upper body was sticking out of the window. With a bright red face.
“Just a little while, stay, just…”
Then, he turned around and pointed his gun somewhere. Bang! Another person died yet again. Outside the door, Verdic hacked away to break it. Under the tower, Raymond was running straight to her.
Carynne watched Raymond.
“But Sir Raymond is here.”
Carynne murmured. He’s here, this time, in a similar situation. He’s always late. But he’s here now.
“I promised a certain courtesy to that man.”
“…What kind of courtesy.”
“The wind blew at Dullan’s short hair. Carynne answered him.
“That I’ll try until the very end. To live, I mean.”
Carynne pointed towards Raymond with one finger.
“Like him.”
Dullan’s eyes followed the direction at which her finger pointed, where the knight was moving urgently.
“R-Right… That man.”
“Look, look. He’s there, isn’t he? In this situation… still… You know, there was not a single time that he arrived on time.”
Carynne wrapped her arms around her. The wind roared. Dullan was next to her. Outside the door was Verdic, breaking the door piece by piece with his axe. Despite it all, she felt a strange sense of serenity.
“If I’m going to die anyway, it shouldn’t matter if I wait a little longer, yes?”
Carynne watched. She watched Raymond’s efforts. Even if my head gets lopped off, I want to wait a little longer. Carynne did not want to die right now. She did not want his efforts to be wasted. Once she died, everything would go back to the beginning yet again.
Memories were not carried over. Time did not build up. This version of Raymond would cease to exist. Even if the people around her remained the same, they had no memories. The moments of doubts, of compassion, of making a choice—they would all disappear. Again, again.
Carynne hated that.
But Dullan didn’t seem pleased. Behind her, he spoke.
“You have to help me. You won the wager.”
One brief moment passed wherein Carynne did not know what happened.
The world turned upside down.
The sound of the wind howled against her ears.
Her head spun and spun and spun.
And, pain.
Dullan had pushed Carynne from behind her.
It was quite literally only a coincidence that Carynne did not plummet to the far ground right away. The hem of her sleeve had caught on the window frame. Her legs were dangling in the air.
“You— You, right now…”
Carynne laboriously reached up and managed to grab the window frame. However, she did not manage to get a solid grip on it, and as the wind blew, her slender body followed.
She gasped.
“Right now. Just what are you doing.”
Dullan climbed up the window frame. He was much too high up. Dullan leaned out of the window and reached down. Then, he grabbed Carynne by the wrist.
She clung to Dullan’s arm.
“A-Are you afraid of dying?”
“What the hell are you doing!”
“You’ve been like this since you were a child.”
Carynne felt herself getting furious. She loathed Dullan. Without even answering anything properly, he’s trying to kill her now.
So, her ending in this life would be neither Raymond or Verdic, but Dullan?
While looking down at her, Dullan slowly stepped on her fingers.
“Y-You won’t be afraid from now on.”
“What?”
SLAM!
“Of course… Right now… I’m not saying you’re going to live. E-Even if you do right now, in the end, again…”
CRACK!
“Mister Verdic is going to kill you.”
Carynne could not breathe. She didn’t know what he was talking about. Her free will was limited to choosing only between dying by Verdic’s hands, or dying by Dullan’s hands. Why was he even asking her to choose? Why was he saying that as if it was such a magnanimous thing?
“You won the wager.”
“What?”
“Because t-that man… Sir Raymond is here.”
Dullan was looking at Raymond, not the air beneath Carynne’s feet. Raymond was running towards her. He was stepping on the soldiers’ heads, leaping forward. An arrow was shot from the entrance, but it did not hit its target. Raymond drew nearer and nearer to the tower. He started to scale the wall. Made eye contact with Dullan.
While keeping his eyes on Raymond, Dullan said,
“Truthfully, I… no matter who it was… maybe it didn’t matter. I understand now.”
“Don’t act like you know, you goddamn bastard!” Carynne cried out.
But soon after, she saw something strange.
“L-Let’s stop now. Just fall.”
Dullan smiled.
It was a smile that went from ear to ear, as if his mouth was about to be ripped apart.
“You, you know.”
Carynne thought.
Maybe.
Maybe.
Because it’s come to this.
All of a sudden, Carynne thought.
She had never been so angry at Dullan. She felt annoyed and frustrated because he refused to talk to her properly even after he had come all the way to this place—but here, now, Dullan was eliciting a kind of resentment in her that was a bit different from before.
It was different from how it was with Raymond, due perhaps to his personality or attitude. This time, Dullan was giving off something like the camaraderie of sharing a secret.
Because, unlike Raymond who did not believe Carynne, Dullan does.
But was there any guarantee that this was not just another mere delusion?
Just, nothing. Maybe Dullan… No, just nothing.
“It will be different this time.”
Did this mean that she would really die this time?
Perhaps even ‘living again’ was all in her head?
If she were to die this time, would she stay dead?
That’s fine. That’s a good thing.
…Was it still a good thing, even now?
If she were to just die like this… Was she certain that she’d be alright with it? Wasn’t it frightening? Was it going to be okay even if darkness could come to her, if death would find her?
For her to just go back to nothingness, for all the incidents thus far to disperse, for none of her questions to be answered at all, for her to just return to the earth and to the ashes…
Could she accept that?
Truly?
“You’ll be fine now.”
Dullan stepped on Carynne’s fingers.
* * *
“CARYNNE!”
Raymond gritted his teeth. He had to move. He must.
The moment he saw Carynne dangling from the window, he estimated the height of the tower. He bent his legs, immediately leapt forward, and started scaling the wall.
The tower’s outer walls were completely vertical, but that did not matter to Raymond. He used the gaps in the bricks of the old tower to jump up. This wall was like a flat surface to him. An arrow grazed his ear.
I can catch you, I can catch you! Raymond jumped on the wall. The wall was vertical, but it did not matter. He reached out to Carynne.
Their eyes met.
But the only thing he caught was air.
Carynne went down. Down. Much too easily.
Then.
A terrible sound.
The most terrible thing happened.
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