Nancy’s eyes cooled down soon enough and was replaced with a panicked look as she murmured,
“N-Now… Please trust me, Milady…”
Carynne listened to the hypnotist’s words repeatedly, inhaled some incense repeatedly, but everything was to no avail. No other memories came back to her.
“Still nothing?”
Carynne fiddled with the gun in her hand.
“I’ll try it again,” Nancy said.
However, nothing changed.
Knock, knock.
“Who is it?”
“What are you both doing all day in there?”
The strict voice that came from beyond the door was owned by Helen, the housekeeper. Carynne answered back in a hurry.
“There’s just something I have to discuss with Nancy!”
“Milady, Lord Dullan is coming in a few days, and so there are many things that must be prepared. Please come out, as I said.”
Nancy told Carynne in a quiet voice as well.
“I have a lot of work to do, too.”
At the same time, Nancy made a gesture saying that she should go over to the door.
In utter disbelief, Carynne muttered, “And where do you think you’re going?”
“Uh, I also wish to bring back your memories, Milady. But if we can’t… Maybe there’s no answer…”
Fed up, Carynne cocked her pistol. She didn’t know why this woman was being so unhelpful. She should just kill her and start again.
“M-Milady, wait.”
Nancy spoke urgently. As expected, people would cough up what they knew when given enough reason to do so. Though Carynne remained expressionless on the outside, she was willed with mirth on the inside.
“What?”
“I believe you!”
“So what if you do.”
“No, no. Um, let’s say I’m inclined to believe you.”
Carynne watched as Nancy frantically tried to squeeze out an answer. It was so obvious on her face that she was wracking her brain.
“Milady, if you really are 117? Or 118? At that age, it’s going to be difficult to bring back your memories.”
“Why?”
“I can only assume that you can’t remember because that much time has passed. No one can unravel more than a hundred years of repeated brainwashing.”
“…Then come up with a way.”
Carynne spoke through clenched teeth, but Nancy shook her head.
“There’s no way but to wait and try other methods slowly and gradually, like with the treatment of real old people.”
If Carynne were to kill Nancy here, would she be taken to court again?
She held back her rising annoyance. It hadn’t been long since she had reset.
“In the end, you’re of no help at all.”
“But if you give me money, I’ll do whatever I can to help.”
Carynne let out a very long sigh but soon untied Nancy from her bounds. Kill her or whatever next time. There’s nothing she could do now, was there?
Besides killing, Carynne decided to think of something else for now.
Nancy rubbed her previously tied wrists then reached for Carynne’s hair.
“What the?”
“I have to comb your hair, Milady.”
Carynne sat still. Seeing the gun still in Carynne’s hands, Nancy sighed.
“Will you be holding onto that the entire time?”
“Do I look like I trust you right now?”
“Milady, what good would it do me to threaten your life?”
But you killed me before.
Even so, there’s no need to say that. Carynne kept her mouth shut. It didn’t look like Nancy had any intention to kill Carynne now, even though a gun’s been pointed at her thus far.
“I do feel quite an attachment to you, too, Milady. After all, I fed, dressed and raised you throughout the years.”
“Then why did you spin such a tale like a dark-skinned person being a country’s queen?”
“Well… wouldn’t there someday be a country like that in the future? You could say that it’s a fairytale, kind of.”
Stop daydreaming now like I said or I’ll seriously be your enemy right here and now.
Carynne no longer said anything back to Nancy.
She was a thoroughly brainwashed person. All those days that Nancy spun her tales eventually became the basis of Carynne’s worldview. She knew that it was this era’s ‘norm’ to look at Nancy unfavorably because she was dark-skinned—just like how Isella thought of her—but Carynne could not imbibe the same notions.
“In my own way, I also like you, Milady.”
“…Sure.”
Nancy skillfully styled Carynne’s hair, tightened her corset and dressed her for the day. When Carynne stood up, Nancy got ready to go out of the room again.”
“Come to think of it, Milady, do you have a coin?”
“What kind of coin.”
“A gold one.”
“What?”
For a moment, Carynne’s heart raced. It became that way even though there’s no real reason for it to have reacted like this.
Because Nancy had asked her about something that Carynne herself hadn’t talked about with someone else. Ever.
Was Nancy talking about the gold coin that Carynne always held before she died?
“W-What kind of gold coin?”
“If you don’t have it, never mind.”
“…Just tell me.”
“No, it’s really nothing of consequence?”
“I’ll be the judge of that. Tell me. Now.”
Feeling threatened, Nancy immediately answered.
“Lord Dullan ordered me before. If you’re holding a gold coin with a number on it, Milady, he told me to report it to him right away.”
“Dullan talked about the coin, huh.”
Carynne murmured. Nancy was getting restless because it was time for her to work, but Carynne held her back and spoke.
“First of all, as soon as Dullan comes, tell him that you saw a number.”
“Y-Yes.”
Nancy nodded many times in a row. Carynne thought of what number it should be. How old was she? How many times had she reset? No. Carynne didn’t have to count just to know.
“The number is… 117.”
It would be more advantageous for her to use the same number as before.
“Got it? Say that.”
“Yes, I understand. I’ll tell him later.”
After Nancy left, Carynne sat alone in her room and stared at the floor. She thought of the coin, which had been her only solace during her repeated life.
“My coin…”
It was the coin that had accompanied her throughout her one hundred years of life. She thought about the coin that had always been with her.
“Where did it go?”
Carynne pulled off her bed’s blankets. She looked through her desk. She crouched down and scoured the floor. Not there. She retraced her memories. No clue. Where was it?
“It’s not here…”
Even after she had looked for it for a long time, she couldn’t find it anywhere. Even after checking every nook and cranny of her room, it didn’t turn up.
Now that she thought about it, she didn’t think it was in the garden either. She must have left it in a previous life.
Carynne slumped down on her bed. It’s not with her here. No. Since when? Did she lose it when she fell from the tower back then?
No.
Carynne recalled what happened in the iteration before this, when she went straight to Nancy and let her pull the trigger to keep the promise between them. Both of Carynne’s hands had been occupied—one at the barrel, the other at the trigger.
She had been so tremendously excited at the discovery that one condition in her resetting had been overturned, and she couldn’t care less about the coin at that time. It was her own mistake.
“I lost it…”
The very coin that she had been carrying for one hundred years was now lot. At this, Carynne felt depressed. However, after a while, she got up. Just because she couldn’t find it didn’t mean she should just remain in the same place.
“…It’s fine.”
I’m fine.
That coin was nothing much. It was a fact that she had died without holding that coin in her hand before but something else. The coin itself was nothing special.
It was unfortunate that the coin in itself held not much significance. It’s only use was for Nancy to tell Dullan about the number, as she apparently had been doing until now.
The coin was not important.
The fact that Dullan knew about it was what’s crucial.
“She’s been telling Dullan the numbers?”
Carynne thought that she’d continue having that coin in her hand now and in the future. But she couldn’t remember it clearly… At what point did she start holding it? She had no clue. But if Dullan was aware of the coin’s existence, it could only mean that he was involved one way or another.
“What’s up with that guy?”
How much did Dullan know?
How far had he schemed?
Why did he know about the coin that she had never told a single soul?
What the hell was going on in his mind?
So many questions were swirling inside her head.
“How many do I have?”
Carynne counted the number of bullets in her gun.
And, she thought about Dullan.
First, she should catch Dullan and torture him by cutting off his fingers one at a time. That guy would surely confess then. How should she corner him, she wondered. Would she have to make him ingest a few drugs to incapacitate him? Besides that, Dullan weighed more than he looked. When Carynne had personally dragged Thomas’s body into the basement back then, she had quite a difficult time. Where and how best could she abduct Dullan.
He hadn’t arrived at the manor yet. Dullan wouldn’t remember her again this time. Then, she could lure him back into her room again.
Thinking about all the various ways she could get rid of Dullan, Carynne slowly raised her hand. The ‘true solace’ he told her about had, in fact, not come to her as he promised. He would have to pay the price.
“You’re dead.”
With a snarl, murderous intent leaked out of her.
After coming back to life, Carynne found one motivation to keep her going.
That’s right, I should work hard and ride this momentum. If I give myself the chance to think deeply, I’ll only fall into despair. So, let’s hold onto hope and move forward.
As Carynne encouraged herself, she tugged up the corners of her lips.
Let’s smile.
Even so, Carynne felt a hollow pain in her chest as she mourned the loss of her coin. She felt a slight sense of grief over its disappearance. It was an emotion that was as small as the coin itself, but it was difficult to ignore.
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