Volume 1 - CH 5.3

The blizzard had reached its peak. Blizzards were sometimes called Enlil’s whip, and this one swallowed the Whitesalt Mountains and the Northland plains whole.

The Northlands were the coldest just before spring, and this was also the time of year that the inhabitants of the cave either starved or froze to death most frequently. The weather would grow impossibly warm as soon as the blizzard and the cold spell passed, and the snow would melt in no time at all as green grasses slowly covered the earth.

“Are you just gonna let the bastard be, Sedek?”

The young man from Kish City walked up to Sedek and pointed at the small chamber where the Northlander bastard was sitting with his chin on his knees. He continued,

“We’ve been starving for two whole days now. And the brat hasn’t brought anything back for three.”

Not even wild animals were leaving their burrows because the temperature had dropped and the blizzard was raging. Renier’s traps had only yielded a rabbit, a badger, and two weasels. It hadn’t been enough for anyone to eat their fill.

The grave robbers were enraged. Most of them would have already starved to death by now if it hadn’t been for Renier, but they forgot this fact all too readily. They could feign nonchalance about starving for one day and tell themselves that the brat would surely bring something back tomorrow, but their patience ran dry by after starving for two.

“Shit, what’s the brat even doing that he’s coming back empty-handed every day?”

“You really don’t know? Can’t you see that he’s chatting and playing brothers with the Northlander deadweight all day long?”

“Big bro sure seems to like him a lot. Who knows? Maybe the deadweight’s been teaching the brat a thing or two about sodomy.”

“Holy shit……. You mean with that scrawny little brat? It’ll probably take the brat cutting off a part of his body before the deadweight stops fucking around.”

Bwahaha —languid laughter resounded.

It wasn’t unusual for their lust for women to be pointed in strange directions because there were only a bunch of men here. Newcomers to the cave often salivated after the short-haired young boy who diligently hunted all day long. Not only was he small, but he wasn’t half bad-looking either —his face was muddy on the outside, but his eyes seemed to sparkle upon closer inspection and he had a slender nose.

But that never tended to last very long. Most grave robbers gave up on the notion of touching the brat before their first full month after coming to the cave. The brat didn’t have much in the way of brute strength, but he was incredibly spiteful when he was hunting beasts, and he was also rumored to have a vicious streak.

The men stopped picking fights with the brat, especially if they were alone, after seeing him clinging to a wolf’s back, digging a knife or a tree branch into the wolf’s eyes, and holding on until the wolf stopped struggling and finally died. They could probably satiate their lust at least once or twice if they forcefully pinned him down, but then they’d never know when they’d find a tree branch digging into their eyes and piercing through their brains.

But the scales were tipped right now because they had a hostage in the deadweight. It would’ve been impossible for them to steal meat from the brat and curse him and beat him up for not bringing back any otherwise.

“Anyway, I think I’m going to have to teach those bastards a lesson or two today. It’s fucking annoying how they put their heads together and make merry every night instead of working properly.”

“Exactly. Can’t they see that we’re starving here?”

“He absolutely still has some meat stashed away somewhere.”

They believed that they were owed free meat every day like it was only a matter of course, and they pointed their rage at Renier because they were hungry. It also made them uneasy to see how close Renier was growing to the Northlander, whom they were planning to kill eventually.

And so, they stood up and slowly walked over to the small chamber where Renier and Kuhn were sleeping.

“It looks like hunting will be difficult for at least another day or two. Can’t you see the crazy blizzard outside? There won’t even be any rabbits or weasels out on days like this. They’d just freeze to death.”

Renier shook her head as she got up while rubbing her eyes. The large Northlander bastard who had been curled up deeper inside the chamber as he slept also stirred and sat up.

“That’s your problem. If you can’t hunt, then shouldn’t you at least bring us the meat that you’ve stashed away?”

“What meat am I still supposed to have left after you ate my entire stash?! Stop wasting your strength, and just sleep and hold out for a few more days.”

“That ain’t what you promised, brat! You said that you’d let us eat our fill of meat every day! That ain’t what you promised!”

“When the hell did I ever say I’d let you eat your fill?! I said that I’d give you everything I had stashed away! And, I did feed the lot of you meat for these past ten days, just as I said I would! All by myself!”

Renier raised her voice sharply. Then, Kish grabbed her by the collar and punched her in the face.

“How dare you raise your voice at us after we’ve been letting you off the hook for so long?”

The beatings began again as soon as the words had left his mouth. This had already happened several times since the Northlander had come to the cave, and it always proceeded in the same order. But this time, the beating were more savage than usual because the grave robbers had been starving for two days.

The brat cursed and curled up into a ball. Fuck, you assholes, I’m seriously just going to let you all starve to death. Just who do you think’s been keeping you alive all this time?!

Kish began stomping on the brat’s head because he hating to hear him fighting back. It felt good when the noisy brat finally shut up. This was something that always started the same way, continued until his rage was finally satisfied, and would always end in the same way too.

“……What the fuck?!”

But the bastard, who had always huddled up in the small chamber and trembled while covering his ears, had decided to crawl out while quivering today. Not that he could get very far, of course, because his ankle was still tied up. But the bastard crawled as close as he could, pulled the screaming brat tightly into his arms, and shielded the brat with his own body.

“Kuhn! Hey, go away! You moron! I said, go away!”

The Northlander bastard didn’t say a word as he curled himself completely around the brat like a hedgehog. Furious kicking cascaded onto his back. Kish walked around the bastard, grabbed him by the hair, and punched him in the nose. He was grimacing something fierce, but he endured it all without letting out so much as a single groan.

The brat’s shrill shrieking slowly quieted down, and the Northlander remained curled up around the petit brat while holding the brat so tightly he might shatter. Haah, haah, haaah. His short gasps were the only proof that he was actually feeling pain. Kicks and punches continued to fall upon his back, sides, and face like a deluge.

“……Fuck.”

Sedek was trembling as he took one, then two, steps back. He felt like he was kicking a rock. It felt horrible and bizarre. He continued,

“That’s enough, assholes.”

But the bastards who were punching away in their mad frenzy could not hear him. That’s enough! The punching and kicking only stopped after he had grabbed a few of the grave robbers by the scruffs of their neck and dragged them away.

All that remained was the Northlander’s bloodied face and ragged breathing and the frantic brat’s shrill cries. Kuhn, Kuhn! Are you okay? Kuhn! Kuhn! I thought I told you to stay back, you idiot! Hey, you fucking assholes, I’ll kill you —I’ll kill the whole lot of you, you fucking thieves! Ahh, ahhhh, ahh!

“It’s all right. I’m not hurt. It’s all right. I’m not hurt. Don’t cry, please don’t cry,”

The Northlander bastard mumbled with the brat still securely in his arms.

“Look here, Kish.”

Sedek muttered with a heavy frown. Kish and a few other grave robbers behind him were scowling as they walked up. Sedek continued,

“Something feels wrong.”

Nobody asked him why. They had also been sensing the same thing. Sedek hushed his voice and whispered,

“I think we’ll need to get rid of that Northlander bastard before it’s too late. We’ll all be fucked if we don’t deal with him in time and the brat decides to free him in secret. Then, we’d have to leave the cave.”

“You’re probably right.”

“I’ve been had a bad feeling about all this too.”

Everyone who had gathered nodded unanimously. Sedek lowered his volume even more as he concluded,

“Let’s deal with him immediately the next time the brat goes hunting.”

The sobbing from deeper inside the cave was gradually quieting down. Quickly, Kish added,

“Everyone here should work together, since just one or two of us might not be enough.”

“Prepare anything you can use as a weapon. Bring anything you use as a tool for mining divine stones with you,”

Sedek said prudently.

Renier wetted her shirt and wiped away the blood on Kuhn’s face, swollen chin, and split lips. Then, she checked his body to make sure he hadn’t broken any bones and combed back his disheveled hair with her hands. She had cried so much that her voice was no longer functioning. Kuhn’s throat tensed up every time he heard her hiccup.

“Don’t cry. I’m not hurt. I’m all right. Don’t cry,”

he repeated himself over and over again like a fool. But Renier teared up instead of growing annoyed every time he repeated himself. She pressed her head against his shoulder and cried for a very long time. She cried until she could feel him growing short of breath.

The two of them went straight to bed without saying a single word that night. Renier couldn’t sleep. She could see that the blizzard was still raging fiercely outside the cave.

The frigid winds smacked the gigantic rocks of Salt Mountain like a whip. And every time the wind blew, she could hear it making noises like a long strip of cloth was being shredded as it climbed up the cave walls.

Hwoo, hwo, hwooo. Hwoo.

And Renier could hear Kuhn breathing raggedly, unable to sleep, in between the gusts of wind.

***

<The Seventh Night and Day>

Kittu carried his son and daughter in his arms and dragged his tired body back to the forest with his subordinates in tow.

Then, he began to wait in his fervent belief that Armanu would one day return. He believed that she would surely come back to life one day and return to the forest as long as the tree yet lived because she was the incarnation of the tree.

Kittu waited endlessly for the day that he could finally take the eternal life he had tied to the tree and give it to her, just as he’d promised, and finally be together with her. He waited ardently not for the day he could return to the heavens, but only for the day of her return.

Then, one day, his son brought him oil and a lit torch and asked of him,

“Please set this tree, Armanu, ablaze, Father. You must at least take back your eternal life with us before you grow sick with age.”

Enraged, Kittu shouted,

“My Armanu, your mother, will never be able to return if you set the tree ablaze, my foolish son.”

“Mother will not be coming back either way. The man-eating eagle tore her apart with his claws and pecked at her shredded body with his beak as he swallowed her. She was dragged down to the lands of Ereshkigal, and surely you must know that none who belong to the lands of Ereshkigal may ever return to the lands of the living, Father.”

Kittu’s son held out the torch and raised his voice. He continued,

“So please, take back your eternal life first, and then find and slaughter the dirty life that Mother bore to the man-eating eagle so we may return to the heavens together.”

“I cannot. In order to return to the heavens, I must take back my gifts in the same order they were given, so I must take back the glory of light from the man-eating eagle’s descendants first and burn the tree to take back my eternal life last —and it is only then that I will be able to ascend to the heavens once more. Such were the words of Lord Utu.”

“…….”

“But remember this, my son. I gave your mother my eternal life to uphold the covenant between us, and so, it now belongs to her. She will come back to life someday so long as the tree, which is one and the same as her, is tied to the eternal life. The tree fills my heart and body, and it will also make these wastelands rich with fruits.”

But Kittu’s son was more drawn to the prospect of eternal life than to his father’s ardent waiting.

“But so many seasons have already passed. How can you be so sure that Mother will return while you still yet live, Father?”

Kittu grew fearful that his son would try to burn down the tree and take the eternal life for himself.

“Promise me that you will safeguard this tree, to which I have entrusted my eternal life, my son. Protect it until Armanu returns, so that no other wicked race may harm the tree and snatch away the eternal life.”

“Then, when exactly will we finally be able to obtain eternal life?”

“If Armanu does not return by the day that the abominable life born between her and the man-eating eagle are wiped off the face of the earth and the glory of life that I gave her is returned, then those who have inherited my blood may set the tree ablaze, retrieve my eternal life, and ascend to the heavens. Your mission shall be to protect the tree with your life until that day comes.”

“I will do as you say. I will protect the tree, and I will retrieve the eternal life and ascend to the heavens once the man-eating eagle’s abominable descendants have been wiped off the face of the earth.”

Kittu took the words that his son had spoken and tied it to a new promise.

“I will bind your body and soul to the tree, so you shall become the tree’s guardian and protect it with all that you are. Not only will no one be able to obtain my eternal life if the tree dies before the man-eating eagle’s abominable descendants are wiped off the face of the earth —that is, before my descendants reclaim my glory of life—, but so too shall the guardian who is bound to the tree perish.”

Kittu’s son scowled heavily. He desperately tried to persuade his father out of forcing him into this vow, but Kittu did not take back what he had said.

Then, Kittu drew blood from his son’s hand as proof of their covenant, and he blessed the owner of the blood and all his descendants who inherited the blood to be able to use all of Kittu’s abilities.

Eventually, the guardian of the forest, who had come to be called Galtir, grew up, took his elder twin sister as his wife, and had many children with her. Their children would eventually become the priests of the Golden Forest.

Time passed, and Kittu of Six Wings grew exhausted in his waiting. His subordinates began leaving the world one after another as well.

His subordinates were warriors of light, but instead of returning to the light to be reborn in the heavens, they transformed into stones that carried light within, were buried deep into the earth, and shattered. Kittu cried like a river as he buried their corpses deep inside his frozen tears.

Then, Kittu looked up at the heavens, at his father, the sun, and offered one last prayer.

O Utu, my father, Glory of Heaven, and great sun of light and justice.

I do not wish to return to the heavens and recover my blinding glory.

So instead, someday far into the future, please allow me to be born again with her so that I may meet her again, choose her again,

and live at least one life with her.

I care not even if that life is that of a mudperson’s, which blinks out faster than the light itself,

so please allow me to live even just one life with her.

He stared into a lake for a very long time after he had finished his prayer, and then he abruptly turned around and left the forest. His aged and ill Celestial warriors dragged their wings and feet behind him and vanished alongside him.

And they never returned to the forest ever again.

***

“Is that how the story ends?”

“Yeah.”

Kuhn looked like he was in utter disbelief as he raised his voice,

“Are you certain that’s how it ends? Did Kittu of Six Wings never meet Armanu again?”

“That’s how it ends.”

“Think harder. Are you certain that there’s nothing more to tell? Was he never able to meet Armanu again in his next life, or even in his next life after that? Even though he prayed for it so desperately?”

“Yeah, he never saw her again. That’s really how the story ends.”

Kuhn scowled heavily and fiercely clicked his tongue.

“……That truly was a cruel tale.”

“Isn’t that how love usually is? It’s fun and sweet at first, but it always ends up being cruel and sad.”

“Why do you keep saying things like that? It’s not even as though you’ve experienced it for yourself.”

“When did I ever say that I haven’t?”

“W-wait, then you…….”

“I what?”

Kuhn’s lips twitched when Renier quipped back, but he ultimately lied down and turned his back to her without saying another word. He didn’t say anything even after a long time had passed. Renier eventually asked,

“Are you asleep, Kuhn?”

He still refused to reply. Quietly, Renier asked him again. Are you asleep, Kuhn? Are you? He didn’t reply no matter how many times she asked. Renier fed the fire more firewood instead of checking his face, and then she laid out her wool blanket at the entrance to the small chamber where he was lying and lied down next to him.

“The people are acting strange, Kuhn.”

“I know,”

his subdued reply came from the other side of his back. Kuhn was a skilled and sensitive hunter, so he had obviously noticed what Renier had noticed too.

“I don’t think you’ll be able to stay here for much longer. You get what I’m saying, right?”

“……I know.”

His repeated answer had only come a long while later. Renier wordlessly observed the dancing flames. Sniff. She could hear someone sniffling quietly. It had only been once, and only very brief, but Renier had heard it vividly because she had keen hearing. She feigned ignorance and muttered,

“I visited Goddess Inanna’s temple once when I was seven.”

“…….”

“I met an old woman priestess there. I listened to her story, cried for her, and shared my snacks with her.”

“…….”

“And then, I was blessed by Goddess Inanna.”

Renier began telling yet another story, though she didn’t care whether Kuhn was listening or not. She recited the tale of a young girl’s day as she visited Goddess Inanna’s temple for the first time in her life and the gift she had received there, which was just as cruel as the legends of the Golden Forest had been.

Thy possess a fragrance that will allure many men, just like Inanna herself.

Thou who art loved by Inanna. Thy shalt be loved by noble and beautiful beings.

Thou who art loved by Inanna. Accept Inanna’s blessing. Else, thy fragrance shalt become a stench, and thy fate shalt turn astray and thou shalt lose the love of the noble and beautiful beings.

May the two paths before thee never cease. South and north, up and down, heaven and earth, land and sea, love and hatred, noble and humble, beauty and ugliness, good and evil, truth and lies, past and future, life and death.

Choose thy fate at the crossroads between all these things.

The Great Inanna speaks.

I see two men who shalt love thee.

And I see two men whom thou shalt love.

I see two men who shalt kill thee.

And I see two men whom thou shalt kill.

Brave and courageous Renier speaks.

I see one man whom I love.

And I see one man who loves me.

I see one man whom I save.

And I see one man who saves me.

Goddess Inanna’s blessing was cruel and continued to tie her down by the ankle on matter how hard she tried to defy it. ‘Brave and courageous Renier’s’ oracle appeared to have collapsed in vain. Renier let out a long sigh and smirked.

“I tried turning down the gift, and I tried putting a fake oracle in motion so I could slip free of it too, but nothing worked. I was told that blessings are like curses in that you can’t decline them. I didn’t ask any of the other gods to give me another blessing to undo that one because I didn’t want to be marked as a wicked girl who dared to pick a fight with the great gods. Getting slapped once already hurts badly enough, so I didn’t want to turn the other way and offer my other cheek too.”

She laughed merrily and continued,

“I hate men, and I never want to get married either. My wish is to be able to live the rest of my life quietly somewhere like this, where neither people nor the gods will pay any attention to me, and to die instantly in my sleep after a rock falls down from the ceiling and crushes my head. I don’t want anyone to remember me, and I don’t want to be touched by men either. The very idea disgusts me. I’d rather die than let them touch me.”

“…….”

“And, more than anything else, what I’d hate most is to drag innocent people into Goddess Inanna’s curse. At least I could rest easy if I ended up struggling and dying alone, so why do I have to be a nuisance and get others involved too?”

“…….”

“But I’ve never hated you. I liked it when you held my hand and massaged my feet. I really did.”

Renier gently touched the back of Kuhn’s neck as he slept with his back to her. His soft ears, which had wriggled in her hands, his toes, which had wriggled in her fists. His neck and cheeks, which made her want something she had never wanted before when they flushed crimson, and the certain strong and special feeling that she had felt.

Did you hate it when I held your hand too? Then, would it be all right with you if I kissed you? Pretend you didn’t hear that. The way he had clamped his mouth shut and the back of his neck had grown bright red.

Renier slowly leaned in. She could smell something familiar to her the closer she drew. It was his scent, which had been imprinted on her as he held her in his arms and took the beating in her stead. His scent, which had already pierced her heart like a hook. He had simply pulled her into his arms with his terrifying strength before she had the chance to decide whether she liked it or hated it.

Renier quietly pressed her lips against the back of his neck. It made a quiet smooch. The flesh of the large and rough boy’s neck that was hidden beneath his hair was just as soft as Renier’s. The last spark of the flickering fire finally went out and melted into the darkness.

“I didn’t hate it when you secretly kissed me either. I just wanted to let you know.”

Kuhn snored loudly. Renier giggled with her lips still pressed against the back of his neck.

***

Rough fingers were caressing her face. Renier woke up, but she kept her eyes closed and steadied her breathing and pretended to still be asleep. His touch was as gentle as a feather’s, and he was breathing so carefully that she could barely hear it. His each and every movement was so ardent that Renier could not bear to open her eyes.

He also quietly stroked her hair, which she had cropped short like a male slave and had only just grown out to be about half a hand’s width in length. He was touching her hair, which was a jagged mess reminiscent of a crow’s nest, so gently that he could have been stroking fine silk.

Finally, his faintly trembling hand slid down Renier’s shoulder and gently wrapped around Renier’s hand. And the buzz of his voice, like a bumblebee’s flight, and the purity of his prayer fell softly to the cave floor once again.

Are men of the Northlands taught that they aren’t allowed to put what they’re feeling inside to words and say it out loud? His heart was overflowing in his every word, in the quivering of his shoulders, and even in the careful movements of his fingers, yet the fool never actually spoke his feelings aloud to either make them manifest or let them go, and he only continued to let everything pile up inside him instead. Renier grew dismayed.

Why are you doing this, Kuhn? Why do you keep doing this? You don’t even know my name or my age. You don’t even know what I look like. You don’t know anything about me. Why do you keep letting yourself drown in these feelings?

No. Maybe it’s my fault. I shouldn’t have doing nothing about your growing feelings, especially since we won’t have anything to do with each other anymore once we’ve parted ways. This is my fault for feigning ignorance and letting you pull me closer.

And it’s also my fault for doing nothing about my feelings too. It was wicked of me, and I might as well have killed you again after everything I’ve done to save you.

If only you were a mean bastard like Sedek or that asshole from Kish.

Renier kept her eyes closed as she counted the days that had passed.

It’s been two weeks since we met.

Seven nights and seven days was enough time for all things to happen and return to nothingness.

Enough time for the living to die and for the dead to come back to life.

Enough time to start loving someone you hated and to part ways with someone you loved.

It was just enough time —neither too long nor too short.

“Kuhn,”

Renier whispered quietly, prompting Kuhn to immediately let go of her hand and ask,

“You’re awake? It’s still nighttime. Sleep a little longer.”

“You’re seriously saying that after waking me up like this?”

“Oh……. You weren’t asleep? I’m sorry. I-I was just so curious to know what you looked like.”

His rash and desperate heart. This was all he could do because he was caught between his duty to uphold his vow to Lord Utu and his feelings for her. He was so upright that he could never do something like casting aside his god in favor of an emotion that his god had not permitted him.

“I told you not to be curious about me.”

“……And I tried not to be, but I couldn’t erase my curiosity completely. I’ll endeavor to be more careful in the future.”

The grief in his voice make Renier feel like she was choking again. It felt like something was going wrong over and over again. Listening to the words that this idiot had to say made her angry and brought tears to her eyes. Why do I keep letting you drag me along when I already know that I must never go there?

“What do you think my face looks like?”

“…….”

“You probably were able to imagine what I look like, especially since you touched me so much. So, what do you think? Am I pretty?”

The large boy looked like a faint shadow as he bashfully nodded back. He simply continued nodding back for a while, unable to utter a single word. Renier smiled wryly and said,

“I’m an ugly runaway slave, Kuhn. My face is dark, my nose is flat, my eyes are crumpled together, I lost a molar because I’ve been beaten so much, I’m bruised all over, and my hair is jagged like a crow’s nest.”

Renier cackled. But her laughter was eventually drowned in water.

Kuhn reached out toward Renier’s face. His fingers ever so carefully brushed over her head, forehead, eyebrows, eyelashes, nose, cheeks, and lips. It felt like his breathing was getting faster. It felt like he was exuding sweetness with every breath, and like the sweetness was filling the cave to the brim.

Then, in a very hoarse and raspy voice, Kuhn whispered,

“You’re pretty. You’re…very pretty.”

Renier only continued to stare blankly at his face as he pulled her into his arms. She felt like her body was about to be crushed. Her back hurt.

His face was so close. It was so very close. Renier reached out and stroked his blindfold. She wanted to see his eyes. She’d seen that he had thick eyebrows and long, soft lashes that curled upward before she’d blindfolded him. She’d thought that they didn’t suit the rest of his rugged features. She wondered what color his eyes were.

Why was it now of all times, when it was so dark, that she wanted to see his eyes so badly?

Renier wrapped her arms around his eyes and undid his blindfold. She could faintly feel his eyelashes moving in the darkness, but she could not see his eyes, which she was so curious about.

He blinked for a very long time. She could feel how keenly he was trying to see what little of her face that he could. But it was so dark that they couldn’t even see their own hands. And eventually, he had no choice but to be satisfied with pulling Renier into his embrace and rubbing his cheek against her.

“You said that you wanted to know why I saved you, right, Kuhn?”

“Yes.”

“That morning, five dirty and lecherous men fell down the cliff outside this cave and died while trying to rape me.”

“Did you kill them?”

Renier pulled in his face and kissed him in the lieu of an answer. She heard him draw a sharp breath.

“That’s how much your life cost me.”

“…….”

“Your life wasn’t cheap. So pay me back now, just like you promised you would. And then, forget everything.”

He embraced her with everything he had. His breathing was hot and impatient. His split lips fell over Renier’s eyes, cheeks, and lips. His feverish fingers dug under her clothes and began undoing the leather and linen cloth that were tied tightly around her breasts.

And the beast began repaying his debt inside the cave where not a single ray of light could enter.